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Wicked Surveilance - "If anyone finds out about this we're dead..."

Which major national newspaper Showbiz desk has a nasty and illegal tactic for getting their leads on the stars?

By taking advantage of a default setting on a mobile network (Vodafone, I think), two show biz hacks will simultaneously call a celebrity's mobile...

One of the scumbags will get through to the answerphone, at which point they need only type in 9, followed by 3333 to gain access to the star's messages.

To make matters worse, once the gossip/dirt has been gathered the courageous journalists then delete the victims messages to cover their tracks.

So now, hopefully, stars won't be so bemused when the papers get leads on stories they haven't told anyone about - They're bugging your phone!

(Posted by wolvo, Fri 8 Mar 17:22)

bobbifleckmann 21:30, reply

Thank FOOK I never saw this back in 2002

Or I really would have gone to jail :(

thebestnameshavegone 21:57, reply

Can I remember my password?

freudianskip 21:26, reply

possinbly not

"new" indeed

freudianskip 21:27, reply

Fantasy Football league before it closes?

mysterme 20:55, reply

Long time lurker...

...Simon Fowler offa Oasis Weller Scene fame tried to build a fuck-load of apartments on the tiny parcel of land where his 70s bungalow resides. The sleepy Warwickshire village was having none of it. Seems having to sell off the rights to his hits for the taxman wasn't enough.

weekend_bender 20:51, reply

what's depressing is all the people everyone had 'goss' about

the primrose hill set, madonna etc - its' their children in the tabloids now :(

pj 14:44, reply

Worse we get the spawn of Thick and Thin in my local.

And in the spirit of we remember posters of past... along with Goatboy, Indiekid is no longer of this parish.

kerching 15:50, reply


Some Britpop sprogs might be forming a band, ie Graham Coxon's daughter Pepper, Damon Albarn's daughter Missy, and someone else I've forgotten

slackhack 14:51, reply

Missy - a teenage nightmare by all accounts

: (

punkgirl 16:40, reply

they are actually doing that?

that wld be a bad idea i think

eib 14:52, reply

*throws bleach at PJ*

worldofleather 14:46, reply


plastiktom 14:57, reply



bengobaz 16:35, reply


thats true. but then even then they were too. remember when sadie's kid dropped an e at Soho house

eib 14:45, reply

was it Sadie?

I thought it was Pearl

plastiktom 14:48, reply

no it was sadie

pj 14:49, reply


pj 14:49, reply

It was Pearl who accidentally dropped it on the floor

And then the kid took it

slackhack 14:49, reply

haaaaa voil!

plastiktom 14:52, reply

sadies kid

lol. and she pretended it was randomly on the floor

eib 14:52, reply

haha 'ecstacy pill actress' is the british version of 'academy award winning actress'

www.telegr ... -says.html

pj 14:50, reply

'She said that far from being a nightclubbing personality, "a Thai takeaway and watching EastEnders is the most excitement I get these days".'

a thai takeaway = some girl from bangkok working in one of the brothels in soho

pj 14:53, reply

would anyone have a moment

to discuss our lord and saviour, jesus christ?

worldofleather 14:11, reply

Are you taking the piss?

thelordgodalmighty 14:45, reply

is he

signed to Creation?

eib 14:15, reply

*tappety tap*

Jesus Christ was a nice man born like a long time to a mum who had cheated on her hubby with a ghost or something like what is on Jeremy Kyle but this was before there was telly but that Jesus guy still managed to do a recipe with some loaves and fishes for like a load of people without even seeing Masterchef or having any red sauce or dinobites or anything and he did do some other good things and saved some people or something and then he did die but he didn't really die and then he went up into the sky or something maybe and there was a really important message about it and I got told about him at school one day and afterwards I went home and had my tea and then I went to bed the end.

slackhack 14:21, reply


bengobaz 14:25, reply


For some reason, I keep thinking about red condoms...

slackhack 14:29, reply

I'm also in the mood

To edit people's posts so that they're just photos of narwhals instead

slackhack 14:38, reply

yes meg signed the contract with her shitty finger

worldofleather 14:19, reply


eib 14:46, reply

Goldie is the father etc

slackhack 14:48, reply

funny enough

Anaise isnt mixed race after all

eib 15:07, reply

Does have

The sort of face you'd usually see on a special school bus tho

soapy_handerton 19:11, reply

Popbitch Messageboard: The Wake

If you want to come along and raise a final glass to the weasels of yore and have one last bout of p and b, we'll make arrangements to host a wake somewhere next month. Send us an email at if you're interested in attending.

We're going to pass the hat around in advance though, because all of you storming back in has already spiked our server costs. So if you want to chuck a fiver into the pot to help cover our final hosting bill, you can do so here.

(Come on the Guardian asks you for money every five minutes; we only do it once every six months).

popbitch 14:10, reply

thebestnameshavegone 20:57, reply


deep_stoat 21:22, reply

*unscrolls the PB fuck tree*

Oh my word.

pixote 13:24, reply

you and silkybunbuns seem to have a little elephant next to your names. where the fuck is cagey?

worldofleather 14:24, reply

What does the elephant mean??

pixote 14:25, reply

Because you're grey and wrinkly.

deep_stoat 19:54, reply

When you find out, ask about the sheep please.

incognito 16:11, reply

i think

that you posted quite a bit to have an elephant. I seem to have lost my Belgian flag!

plastiktom 14:33, reply


i think we need to put together a proper history. who did it what to whom, who lost their marbles, died, did fucky etc

popbitch 14:29, reply


was sober enough to remember half of it though

plastiktom 14:31, reply

Thank god

pixote 15:09, reply

Heyyyyyyy darling!


slackhack 14:33, reply


Hello sugar! This is quite emotional innit xx

plastiktom 14:41, reply


thelordgodalmighty 13:29, reply

You might well

look at teh floor, young man.

bengobaz 13:44, reply

What's going on here then?


slackhack 14:07, reply


punkgirl 9:27, reply

Where's beardog?

pixote 13:18, reply


bobbifleckmann 17:49, reply

paws up who had to dig out their reading glasses before they could post?

but yet I remembered my weasel password. MavisCruet also sends her greetings to the board.

silkybunbuns 12:33, reply

Just before the board dies I'll say it.

You had the best username.

roger_mycock 14:09, reply

ha! I thank you.

It was actually the name of a pet rabbit I had as a kid.

silkybunbuns 14:21, reply


toneknob 13:19, reply



bishibashi 19:28, reply

Afternoon fella

hackneyboy 13:29, reply

blimey charlie

halloween_jack 14:16, reply

bloody weirdos

andyv 14:20, reply


A real blast from the past!

bengobaz 13:00, reply

I know right?

Hey you! I'm like, 45 and someone's mum these days. Plus I haven't called anyone a cunt online in literally years.

User names I'd like to see: ArthurFucktrouser - WorldOfMotherFuckingLeather - CorkyStClare - JediBitch - VladTheInhaler - LordVenger - !!

silkybunbuns 13:04, reply


I can't remember how I stumbled across PB years ago but I'm glad I did - it must have been shortly before the Rev passed away as by the sounds of things I missed out on a lot. I spent 99% of the time lurking but I did get a story mentioned in the mailout once (a greasy Hollywood star being very friendly with his own body double, not just on saturday nights - allegedly). Thanks and goodbye.

abitlikeneeson 10:28, reply

Fucking hell love

No one gives a shit

jonny5000 11:08, reply

I took it that was a given on here?

abitlikeneeson 11:51, reply


If everyone can reply to a post rather than start a new one we'll get a hell of a lot more on the board (limited number of threads showing)

popbitch 9:33, reply


blimey is it really over?

skulker 16:51, reply

*Wanders in...

I only recently trashed the artwork files for the Popbitch book - you did have them backed up for the reprint, didn't you?

wanders back out again*

gordon_bennett 14:22, reply

best post of all time is still, for me Rev's rabbit heads in the sand dunes story

Every year I tell it as part of a lecture series - and every year students gasp in horror. I think it's what the Rev would have wanted.

silkybunbuns 12:51, reply

What's the rabbits in sand dunes story?

Re-post for posterity

popbitch 13:34, reply

You think anyone noticed?

incognito 12:29, reply

Fuck off and leave me alone

__________ 13:17, reply

See what you've done?

deep_stoat 10:10, reply



popbitch 10:30, reply

Richard Jones the Stereophonics bass player

drives a pimped out Defender 110 double cab

el_presidente 10:06, reply

So that's how it works.

incognito 10:00, reply


If anyone had a story they were always too scared to post - now might be the time (delete button at the ready, only kidding)

popbitch 10:31, reply

Kevin and the Oscar

I had lunch the other day with the man, who knows the man who placed an oiled oscar up Kevin "I was looking for badgers" TheatreDarlingOOOLookA PlasticBagCirclingAimlesslyInTheWindDeepThoughtsey's bottom - in a posh hotel room.

silkybunbuns 12:57, reply


bengobaz 13:47, reply

Welcome back!

Showing everyone how it's done.

popbitch 13:14, reply

man remembers password shock


toneknob 9:46, reply


oral_rinse 16:27, reply

Ha ha...


lambchop 11:11, reply


andyv 9:52, reply

alright noob.

toneknob 9:58, reply

Good heavens above!

bengobaz 10:05, reply

hello mister!

hope you're well. heard the news about here and thought I'd better pop in!

toneknob 10:14, reply

Certainly glad you did


bengobaz 10:15, reply

i've not seen him for simply ages

happy days though. *wibbly wobbly time effect* that time when he said "meet me, bengo and goatboy at Waterloo and we'll take you to A-Z. you'll be fine with us!" :o

I was only a nipper n'all. think that was around 2001.

toneknob 10:30, reply

I met him once, briefly.

"Hello!" he said, "I'm Purplepiepete" and then left me there, alone, wanking for coins in the street

andyv 10:17, reply

If you'd remembered your wedding ring, a gram of it and a CSCS Card, then it'd be a different story ;)

upload phots

Anyhoo,this cover recent splash reminds me of a story from the Rev in one of our last phone calls before he died.

He swore that the very same happened in Leeds at the turn of the century at a wedding in a particularly rough part of town. As with most weddings, there was quite a queue for the ladies loos.

This so irked the bride's mother who, tired of waiting and emboldened by the cold refreshment, stormed into the gents instead.

Passing the urinals, oblivious to the coital groans emanating from the locked traps, Bridezmutha flung the door of the only vacant lav, only to discover her husband -the father of the bride- hanging out of the back of their new son-in-law, the groom.

FYI: The Rev told PPP this tale shortly before, who promptly ended their call with

"Ooh, I've got to hang up, darlin' 'cos now I'm DYING for a wank!"

bobbifleckmann 21:29, reply


andyv 10:02, reply

I have a sheep on my post.

Why have I got a sheep?

incognito 10:08, reply

Board 2

el_presidente 10:07, reply

Where's Belinda?

punkgirl 9:38, reply

pixote 13:23, reply


thelordgodalmighty 9:36, reply


bengobaz 9:32, reply

press conference at 5pm apparently

about lady victoria hervey

pj 9:22, reply

Oh FFS not YOU

punkgirl 9:28, reply


what does that hag do now? (Victoria not Punkgirl)

eib 9:33, reply

She's now a 'novelist'..

..tales of a posh girl at boarding school yawn... and horrified (delighted) that her threesome with Stephen 'it's pronounced Stefan!' Belafonte and Scary Spice has come to light, for some extra publicity.

Oh, and quite a few male reality stars in caps and dark glasses skulking around private clinics at the moment. All having scans of their secret pec implants because of a safety scare.

*leads all the animals, sheep, seal, bison etc onto an ark so they can live another day when the board revives!*

intheissynoho 10:45, reply

'lady' H

there's some trashy programme coming out about 'being her' I'm sure that will be bafta winning

5am 10:02, reply

Barfta whining...

incognito 10:09, reply



jonny5000 9:16, reply


5am in the house

5am 9:05, reply

can someone invite


fortuna 9:18, reply

Gak, sack and crack

bengobaz 9:10, reply

It is me


fortuna 9:01, reply

I'll never forget you...ANNA

bengobaz 9:07, reply

Well, hello

I had forgotten which weasel was my password

andyv 9:06, reply

who are


eib 9:34, reply

Just a scrollpast of old.

andyv 9:54, reply


I had forgotten how to make the fucker work

fortuna 9:01, reply

Look at the muck in here

thelordgodalmighty 8:50, reply

where is Satan?

plastiktom 14:45, reply

Kiss My Ass

bengobaz 8:51, reply

yes please big boy

punkgirl 9:29, reply

What, again?

thelordgodalmighty 8:54, reply

Every day

for the rest of your life.

bengobaz 8:56, reply

Do people still swap gosisp on here?

Kate Moss stuff was always my favourite. There was also a Meg n Fran obsession on here which seems mad now as they are such nobodies

eib 8:44, reply


yes that was when our agency was doing her PR (!)and she went berserk because Mirror printed horrific pic of her as worst dressed celeb.. She is still clinging on with all the younglings...

mookie 8:48, reply


yes u did a great job with her PR...

eib 8:54, reply

ha i know right...

Literally SCREAMING about her in meetings... then making sure she got loads of shlebs to whatever launch event we were doing... (Christ, how am I back in here... )

mookie 8:58, reply


it was me going on abt them mostly

eib 8:45, reply



mookie 8:39, reply

what the

pb5. what was the other girl called? who dissapeared

eib 8:43, reply

Not a?

Remember her?

bengobaz 8:44, reply


we never met 'a' did we

eib 8:45, reply


I think we chased off for being generally wet.Sorry, a!

bengobaz 8:50, reply


bengobaz 8:40, reply


You all ruined my life.

bengobaz 8:33, reply

does anyone know

when the next a-z is?

pj 8:21, reply


bengobaz 8:33, reply


maybe there shld be an anniv one

eib 8:27, reply

Popbitch Messageboard 2000-2017

It's hard to believe that it's been so long since we got that horrible call, but this week marks the 10th anniversary of the death of Popbitch legend, Reverend Goatboy.

The internet has moved on quite a lot since then, and things have been quiet on here for a while now. So, in honour of our most famous poster, we will be closing the Popbitch messageboard at the end of this month.

The newsletter will continue as normal – and we are looking at ways to archive the messageboard's infamous and inglorious history for posterity – but (for now, at least) this is the end of the messageboard.

That gives you one week (until 31st July) to post any final stories you may have, or to revisit any of your favourites – plus a chance to say your farewells/call someone a cunt for the last time.

If you have a story you've been sitting on for a rainy day: post it below.

If you can't remember your log in/want to stay in touch/make sure you get invited out for random drinks/need to update contact details/want to protest:

Otherwise, the time has come. Collect your elephants, seals and sheep and make your way home...

popbitch 8:20, reply

At one dinner with Ava Gardner, she got pissed on whiskey and danced on the table. It failed to recreate the magic of The Sun Also Rises...

plasticflamingo 6:56, reply

Can we have one last cock spot?

mr_david 19:23, reply

You mean we won't even make it to A Levels Results Day?

How will I cope without my trio of busty teens?

humphrey_plugg 16:17, reply

Favourite posts?

So few to chose from, but when we were discussing if one of the board might have carked it in 9/11 and someone piped up with "I didn't see any *jumps from building* posts" still makes me smile a bit.

deep_stoat 15:44, reply

I still

Occasionally find myself desperately searching for RGB's iconic 'beardog' image

cunteyes 7:35, reply

I only have the one he did

With my head photoshopped onto the dog

stan 7:39, reply

Favourite posts?

Oh, you know, *those* ones on 9/11.

Madge's (sorry, mlvc) quicky one-off post.

Any fawning Skeletor posts from s07466632257 or whatever she was called, especially if the thread ended in a mass brawl which usually did.

Otherwise, probably any that contained both pop and bitch. Goatboy's manic late night posts were always a joy, as were all his posts. Did he actually manage to animate that spider in the end?

Ones I'd like to bleach from my memory - the Lauren Harries and Nicola Holt nudes. Yeah, cheers, thanks for that *weeps into gin*

So farewell. I never did get an icon for my stunning deadpooling. Bah.

agnetha 16:17, reply

Oh no the deadpool!! I printed it out, I will just have to tot it up by myself. I'll give the winner an icon.

koala 19:06, reply

And yet Liphook... still a thriving online community.

RIP PB, thanks for being ace.

mrsjohnmurphy 15:33, reply

Can we have a day of outing each other?

Thanks for the smiles and outright laughs.

blessed_brian 15:14, reply


Anyway, I saw that Timothy Spall in St Pancras Friday morning, looking a bit lost and small and wizened in a recently lost a bit of weight kinda way

andym 14:06, reply


delete this shit

john_lewis_partnership 13:47, reply

A Shame...

Still, Weasel Of The Month as the board disappears isn't too shabby. Even though it has been a bit moribund of late, the board has always been one of the better corners of the web to find oneself in, it's a shame to see it finally d:

dr_strangelove 13:13, reply


Time to put the bins out.

kitkat 13:05, reply

10 years ..

The interwebs died a little bit with the Rev (regrouts) it's not been the same since and whatever happened to Hawkus?

thisonehasburst 12:31, reply

*salutes, tear in eye*

Fade to an extremely eloquent and vivid description of the recording of Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrells Aint Nothin Like The Real Thing.

toxicshop 11:12, reply

And the worst thing is, of course

That no matter how tedious the cunts on here are, they are all to a man 100% more wank in real life. And that's all we're left with. Real life. Fuck that. *pours petrol on virtual self*

onthehushhush 10:47, reply

I still miss the Rev

*dons tinfoil hat and has Breakfast of Champs*

mrsix 9:22, reply

After thinking he was about to get busted for ganj just before a show, FQ rammed a not inconsiderable amount of it up his backside to hide it. Slowly realising he was not in fact about to get busted, and becoming more and more f@cked, he attempted to remove it. From his own anus. With a teaspoon. Last found by his road manager in the dressing room, comatose, with pants down and a plastic teaspoon lodged in his rectum. Not sure if gig went at head, sorry.

Also, unprovable, but two ex mirror journos told me years before ulrika-gate that they'd been instructed on how to access messages by lets just say the guy we all know is too slimy not to be up to his ears in shite.

And Chris Addison - absolute tool of a man. That's all.

drunken_boht 9:19, reply

Fred Quimby?

Bye everyone x

talcum 11:13, reply

I'm just off to have a final

Pot Noodle & a wank.

EDITS: Tom's closing it down now.

bumspinach 9:02, reply

Ian Brown chasing Reni with a hammer before their last Hampden gig. Or other way round, whatever. They cnts hate each other.

drunken_boht 5:24, reply

If we had a pound for every time

Tom Baker was mentioned here along with 'is in a bad way' we would have enough money to resurrect Holy Moly

soapy_handerton 14:51, reply


Where will I waste time surfing to now to laugh at the foibles of over-paid, talentless celebs? Even if most of my own posts were deleted or amended by some editor-cunt, it was a very proud moment when I acquired a sheep for a few days. Almost certainly a mistake, of course. I'll sorely miss the Popbitch Messageboard.

philanderer 7:55, reply

Your mum will be sad.

mike_hunt 7:51, reply

Yours will be to busy trying to scrub my.....

No, I can't finish it. I'm just too sad.

roger_mycock 8:07, reply

Shame! I remember when this was all dial-up fields...

beefsharky 7:28, reply

Prepares for the ceremonial putting out of the bins for the last time.

Fuck off and do some work you onanistic, sweaty, stalky, rapey, dubious bunch of utter utter utter cunts.

kerching 6:53, reply

I blame Brexit

*Raising a sad toast* to Popchienne or Pophndin or Popsuka, wherever the jobs are going.

strange_spiral 1:18, reply

Belinda for old times' sake?

Sad to see it go, so many good memories.

merc 21:48, reply

Wasn't the rumour that she was actually Neil Tennant?

And that Jonny5000 was either Victor Lewis-Smith or Charlie Brooker?

roger_mycock 8:04, reply

Alas no more...

will I be able to share my z-list pish from back in the 90s....I will forever be indebted to Clueless Joe for my lift choices... fanK yooo SOL CAPEL.

jimmy_corkhill 21:19, reply

Is this login still working?

So, following a roughly four-year posting history, a further 15-ish years of lurking comes to an end. Sad. Still have one of those stickered up "A-Z quiz" prize bottles in the back of a cupboard. There might even be some alcohol in it. Will raise a toast.

bearinthebigbluehouse 20:31, reply

I had a sneaking suspicion that this was coming

and I can understand why. I've been knocking about on here since 2003 ( I think.) and have enjoyed every moment. It always gave a warm glow when I either came top on QOTD or got a mention in the mailout. You might think I'm just easily pleased but genuinely when I was not able to work for nearly a year (due to my spastication as spank called it.) it cheered me up no end and that was very much needed during those dark days. And of course, the Rev was very kind to me as well during that time.

Special thanks from me go to spank_daley and of course, auntie_betty.

Its been fantastic but as the purple man once sang "All good things they say never last,"

I will now fuck off as I'm being a tedious cunt.

roger_mycock 20:00, reply

Can I have my GBP10 back please?

humphrey_plugg 19:32, reply

Well I'm still owed a Flight Deck from one of you cunts

so I think you have no chance.

roger_mycock 19:35, reply

Can we bring a toy in on the last day?

dannyboyb 19:16, reply

Are you reading this, Sam, you cunt?

Thanks for the mustelids x

cunteyes 19:03, reply

Thanks to you lot for years of lots of fun and smiles

and to lurkers and posters near and far for contributing to my daughter's charity, and 'C' for her support. You are not all cunts. Good luck to you all. x

stan2a10shun 16:28, reply

A sad loss, regular lurker, few time poster but enjoyed it all the same

Hoping this may cause an outpouring of excellent gossip this week. Or you can all continue being silent cunts. X

sec 16:13, reply


Thanks for the board, and to everyone for your posts. I've only ever lurked (except for the deathpool), but have been a very regular lurker and have enjoyed all your gossip (repeated with glee) and name-calling. :)

Poor old Rev.


koala 16:10, reply

Regrouts, we've had a few (GYAC)

curlywurly 15:40, reply

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