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Electric Dreams

Pre the Porsche Kevin from the Apprentice used to borrow his mum’s ford fiesta.

To impress the west-country girls he used to pretend that the car had electric windows. Kevin did this by winding down the windows with subtle little hand/arm movements and by imitating the noise of an electric window :/

thetuftyclub 14:14, reply

I honestly thought that he was a comedy plant.

A sort of more spasticated version of Mat whossisname from Little Britain.

jonmac 15:37, reply

His attempts at taking the comparison in good humour

on the BBC2 show were hilarious. Keep shouting it at him in the street people, he'll lose his mind very soon.

kps_jockstrap 15:40, reply

whereas, they probably thought he had a loud dildo

and a spastic twitch.

mosseller 15:33, reply

Did anyone actually fall for this?

grimly_fiendish 15:28, reply

The West Country girls were actually wowed

by the strange shiney cart that moved without being pulled by a horse...

jacques_as_in_hattie 15:47, reply

Having grown up in Cornwall

I'd imagine he had a great deal of success with that technique. Ah, West Country girls....

electric_goat 15:10, reply

Just the fact

that it wasn't a tractor would've done the job.

mark_eedersaad 15:45, reply

Yes

rick_gassko 14:49, reply

Bra

Vo.

*tosses flowers*

katwoman 14:35, reply

POTY

thatevilwoman 14:19, reply

hahaha

spank_daley 14:15, reply

just heard that hleb's gf

is leaving her gym. for good.

THIS MEANS HLEB IS MOVING TO INTER MILAN, OBV.

armstrong 13:50, reply

U2 drummer spotted

A very bald looking Harry Mullen spotted coming out of Eddie Rocket's fast food restaurant last night...he was dressed like a teenager, combats and 'p*rn star' tshirt

gettoff 14:24, reply

Good old

Harry eh....

katwoman 14:34, reply

The Wedge has always been my favourite

grimly_fiendish 14:39, reply

And Madam Clayton rocks!

mrothko 15:02, reply

Is his knob

really as huge as it appears on that album cover? It looks like a football sock with an aubergine in it.

jpeasmoldgruntfuttock 15:35, reply

But what about Bonio?

katwoman 14:42, reply

The rest of the band

had just come in, presumably.

jacques_as_in_hattie 14:34, reply

My only comment on this

is that the one in the middle is doing something off-putting with her hand.

medium_smart 14:30, reply

She's pointing at her Hlabia.

jacques_as_in_hattie 14:41, reply

The pic was from her days in a pop group called Topless

I will continue to search google images for said "topless" and report back. Possibly.

spank_daley 14:36, reply

How long ago was this?

The one on the right appears to be in 1986.

mark_eedersaad 15:46, reply

is this Berlusconi's new cabinet?

calum_knows_best 14:27, reply

Close.

It's Fritzl's new cellar.

jacques_as_in_hattie 14:45, reply

They all need to eat a meal

manikman 14:26, reply

OK

So now I've got a Hlob-on.

jacques_as_in_hattie 14:07, reply

Shane MacGowan...

8 o'clock this morning making his way along Oxford Street. The last time I saw him in the flesh was at the Warrington, Maida Vale about 25 years ago. Sadly I have to report that he has diminished physically since then, as have I, although I do still have my own teeth. He was wearing a black suit and a top hat and didn't appear too wasted.

dixon_cox 10:21, reply

fof worked with him recently. He was very nice and polite.

then he drank a bottle of gin in half an hour and turned into a cunt. And dennis wise's brother is called ernie.

deep_stoat 14:36, reply

heh, now much as it tiggles I can't believe that

you'll be telling us he has an auntie dub next

spank_daley 14:58, reply

I saw him in Wagamamas in Dublin a few years back, knocking back the drinks

falling downstairs to go to the toilets and re-emerging 40 minutes or so later, utterly, utterly wasted. Apparently he wears a prosthetic gumshield to give the appearance of no teeth as he had them fixed a couple of years ago under strict instructions from his then fiancee (she looked like that mad bird from eastenders who phil mitchell was going to marry)

paddy_odoors 12:01, reply

the gumshield thing is bollocks

utter bollocks. His teeth are as bad as ever. And that's straight from the horse's mouth.

markymail 12:35, reply

Is he still with that Victoria girl he's been with forever?

The one who co-wrote a book about (the then living) Kurt Cobain and recieved death threats and accusations of stalking from Courtney Love as a result.

popfiction 12:48, reply

Was this the girlfiend who let Van the small fat man give her one?

brdc 13:53, reply

yes he is, Victoria Clarke I believe

she can be found most saturday nights in Le Cave or Joys late bars, enjoying the company of young men while, no doubt, he is bolloxed in a gutter somewhere. She loves the idealism of being his fiancee but in reality everyone thinks she is mental for going out with a butt ugly alco (albeit a talented one)

paddy_odoors 12:54, reply

Mentioned before but...He was once detained *in* Europa Hotel by staff

til a guy I know paid for damage to the room running to several hundred quid. Spilled booze, piss and, I believe, fecal matter were casually strewn around the room. My acquaintance had to accompany Shane around and ensure that he showed up at the gigs etc. As they sat in a limo, the toothless one pissed himself - obviously soiling the seat, too - and made no comment on this fact whatsoever.

grimly_fiendish 15:52, reply

He wrote Rainy Night In Soho.

I'd fuck him for that alone.

popfiction 12:55, reply

He wrote Fairy Tale of New York

I'd kick him to death for that alone.

grumble_mag 13:51, reply

Victoria Mary Clarke

Her PA is a bloke called Dickon who looks like Nick Rhodes circa Planet Earth era.

intheissynoho 12:53, reply

Dickon from Orlando?

Jesus.

popfiction 12:54, reply

Yep, that's the one.

DickonEdwards.co.uk

intheissynoho 13:01, reply

i say neigh

paddy_odoors 12:38, reply

Go drinking in the Boogaloo in Highgate any time, night or day and he’s usually in there.

You should have asked him how his rider list ended up in a skip full of gay codpiece seconds in Manchester about 4 years ago.

honk 10:27, reply

Him and Pete Doherty did the music quiz one night I was there

both on their own at opposite ends of the bar: IIRC one came second and t'other third. Bernard Butler was there too, but didn't participate.

kps_jockstrap 10:31, reply

Did I dream it, or are they flatmates?

Or is it just a bizarre sitcom idea?

Also - www.borisjohnsonfacts.com/

little_edie 11:16, reply

umm. like chuck norris.

now boris norris would be funny.

mosseller 11:28, reply

Bernard

co-wrote most of Tricky's new album but Tricky has told the PR company handling it that he doesn't want that mentioned anywhere as he feels it may damage his shiny bright street cred.

jjhunsecker 10:33, reply

i thought you were referring to bernard bresslaw of 'carry on' fame

he was my ex girlfriend's parents neighbour, didn't realise until i saw he had co-written Tricky's album then the penny dropped

paddy_odoors 12:37, reply

Coming from a man who recorded a version of the Wonder Woman theme tune

with John Fruiscante, that's quite something

wulf 10:37, reply

I never did!

jjhunsecker 11:37, reply

Back in the mid 90s

the Evening Standard reviewed a Tricky gig accompanied by a large photo of Jerry Hall, oddly captioned that she'd 'performed with Tricky last night.' By the West End Final edition the pic had been replaced with one of Terry Hall..

intheissynoho 12:25, reply

Appearances

can be deceptive. I was living in Helsinki for a while back in the 80s and the Pogues were doing a big gig in the town centre. The Finns, who are no mean slouches when it comes to drinking, were extremely impressed by Shane's consumption of a very large personal rider of a case of beer, two bottles of vodka and two bottles of red wine. He managed all that before taking to the stage.

jjhunsecker 10:25, reply

Liv Tyler has ditched Royston Langdon

Her rep: "Liv Tyler and Royston Langdon have confirmed their separation. They remain good friends and devoted parents to their son Milo and are requesting that their family's privacy be respected at this time."

billy_onions 22:45, reply

Photos?

open_attachment 12:26, reply

Jonathan King's website in the mailout

"We suggest viewers should be over 16"

If only Jonathan had heeded etc etc

richjohnston 16:08, reply

Which brain dead sleb said this -

The singer even compared herself to the royal, adding, "I saw the film The Queen and the way she wanted to go and be by herself, without all the bodyguards. I identified with that in the sense that, although I'm a public person, equally I absolutely love my anonymity." It was a fucking film you dumb twat.

jjhunsecker 16:16, reply

Su Pollard ?

gettoff 12:31, reply

Is it Leo Sayer?

flidsticks 16:56, reply

"She epitomises what girl power stands for."

What, because if the Queen had a brother, he'd have automatically got her job?

richjohnston 16:53, reply

Ginger

The clue is in the words "brain-dead"

anatomickitten 16:35, reply

This dumb bitch

grumble_mag 16:35, reply

Judging by the belly button

she takes it four ways

spank_daley 16:52, reply

Tamsyn Archer?

thatevilwoman 16:34, reply

Tamsin Dunwoody?

simon_cowell 16:51, reply

Takein Mywoody?

spank_daley 16:58, reply

Debbie Archer?

jjhunsecker 16:39, reply

Not really beauty

So, Dove's Real Beauty campaign has been airbrushed to make the real women acceptably real looking all along, then . And it's no co-incidence that despite having no experience in media (but quite a look of Mr Editor's wife) the Account Director in charge of the campaign jumped ship in a very strange career move to run The Independent's commercial side. Hmmm...

bobbifleckmann 15:42, reply

WHAT?

loobylou 16:58, reply

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