Q: What do you get if you cross a shark and an octopus?

Well, it’s also not an octoark that’s for sure. You’re more likely to end up with a Sharktopus.

It’s actually quite a coincidence that we decided to ask you this particular question, because there’s a new film out on DVD about a half-shark-half-octopus.

And it’s not called Octoark.

It’s about a genetically engineered creature that’s been created as the ultimate weapon, because a gigantic half-shark-half-octopus is clearly the most subtle and stealthy way of infiltrating enemy territory. But if Eric Roberts says so, it must be true. Anyway, this creature loses the easily detachable device that allows it to be controlled by humans and decides to go on a rampage. It’s a shame because creating a giant, hulking freak-of-nature and expecting it to do exactly as you tell it was such a fool-proof plan to begin with.

BUT OOPS BUTTER FINGERS.

Cue lots of people running across the beach as a huge Sharktopus clambers around chomping down on things and stabbing stuff with its razor sharp tentacles – you know the drill. However, it’s not all mindless panic, we’ve also got Eric Roberts scowling and getting drunk, an American hunk-type chasing after the Sharktopus, and a women with glasses (this means she is a scientist) who talks with a temperamental English accent (this means she is a scientist).

On the whole, Sharktopus is a bit like Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus, Mega Piranha, Mega Python vs. Gatoroid and the lark(araptor), in that the title is much better than the film itself – although at least this time, it’s not as bad as Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus.

Here’s the trailer:

We’re sure you’ve already made up your minds about whether you want to see this or not.

But hold your horses, because the best is yet to come – any qualms we had with the film were instantly quashed when the magic film fairies brought us this: