Never Underestimate Dorset
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*********************************************** ++ Win an iPad 2 With Great British Chefs ++ Get Great British Chefs' new Feastive App for iPhone and iPad. Follow Marcus Wareing's five-course Xmas recipe or suggestions for holiday dishes from 11 other top chefs. And enter their simple competition here to win yourself an iPad 2: http://togbc.com/rBAAhP *********************************************** "Privacy is for paedos" - Paul McMullan "It got to the point where I felt like a karaoke artist every Saturday night" - Janet, from the X Factor ----------------------------------------------- POPBITCH _ _ _ _ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__ | '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \ | |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | | | .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_| |_| |_| 01.12.11 ISSUE 572 Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe go to http://www.popbitch.com Send us stories - email: hello@popbitch.com * How Rumers start * Sean Connery's Top Humps * Charts: X Factor muppets- the new number one ------------------------------------------------ >> Hot off the press << Never underestimate Dorset Former tabloid reporter Richard Peppiatt was certainly brave to break ranks from much of the industry and make his Leveson testimony this week. It's not the first time he's been prepared to show more balls than his ex-colleagues. The world's hottest chilli, the Dorset Naga, was once sent to the newspaper by a PR firm. The reporters all eyed it with suspicion, apart from one, who with a cry of "Nothing from Dorset's going to put Richie Big Bollocks on his arse" wolfed it down in one. The resulting damage to body, toilet and self-esteem meant the reporter didn't ask for another shift for six months. Still, his colleagues may be wishing they hadn't nicknamed him "Peppertwat" now. ------------------------------------------------ Gary Oldman is two weeks younger than Gary Numan. ------------------------------------------------ >> Big Questions << What people are asking this week Which aging rocker-turned-crooner has been getting hotel concierges to arrange 'private' pilates lessons for him in his room, specifically requesting that his instructor be female? ----------------------------------------------- Deep_Stoat writes: "And to celebrate the birth of Lily Allen's baby? Polydor have just sacked her ex, Seb Chew". ----------------------------------------------- >> Shaggy dog tales << Funny how stories evolve Long time readers will no doubt remember the Sean Connery story in which he supposedly claimed his top celebrity shag was "1964. Petula Clark. Up the arse." After we printed that story in 2003, someone emailed us to tell us a similar story about Basil D'Oliveira's memories of Judith Chalmers. We reprinted the D'Oliveira story last week by way of tribute to the late cricketeer. And so what should land in our inbox this week? The story about Sean Connery - except this time the year is 1985 and the shag was Judith Chalmers. It was still, apparently, up the arse though. ------------------------------------------------ BBC Sports Personality Of The Year isn't going to be an all-male event after all. Belgium's all female Scala choir are performing. So boys do sport, girls sing. Brilliant. ------------------------------------------------ >> What Katie Did << The world of cameraphones Last Friday on the roof terrace of the Sanctum Hotel, unsuspecting guests were treated to a little bit of a show. A blonde starlet, talking loudly enough to make sure that everyone nearby paid attention, stripped to her mismatched underwear and slipped into the hot tub. Five minutes later she starts shrieking at a table with a mobile flash going off to stop taking pictures of her bum - causing her manager to come striding over and towels to appear. Who was this poor hounded ingenue? Er, Katie Waissel. FYI: Dougie or Anthony to be an upset winner on IACGMOH? http://bit.ly/vakbLd FYI2: Make your X Factor and Strictly bets here: Amelia Lily next elimination? Jason Donovan for a dance upset? http://bit.ly/t4BhUG ------------------------------------------------ Yoko Ono's name means Sea Child Axe in Japanese. (Or Axe Sea Child if you put the surname first, as the Japanese do.) ------------------------------------------------ >> How Rumers start << More early jobs of pop stars DD writes: "I don't know any interns who've since gone on to achieve pop stardom. But I do remember Rumer (aka Sarah Joyce) when she was an odd jobber around Herne Hill in south London. She used to work in a delicatessen where I'd get my sandwiches every lunchtime. She'd always make me an excellent wholemeal bap with tuna, mayo and sweetcorn. Now she's playing sell-out concerts at the Royal Albert Hall. Good for her - she was sweet, friendly and never overdid the black pepper." ********************************************** Anthems Alternative 80s is out this week. 60 tunes that help define a decade - and not just the usual suspects. It's been YEARS since we heard Strawberry Switchblade and The Colourfield and they still sound brilliant. See for yourself here: http://bit.ly/tcell8 ********************************************** >> Fame is fleeting << Shane Lynch's lukewarm reception Shane Lynch from Boyzone was one of the guests at Top Gear Live on Friday – one of their Stars in a Reasonably Priced Car. As well as being a member of one of the biggest selling boybands of all time, Shane is also a keen motor enthusiast and a professional drift racer. So you'd think he’d get a rapturous welcome, right? Er... Listen: http://bit.ly/sWsx3g ------------------------------------------------ From Q magazine: Nero have a USB stick containing every episode of I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue going back 20 years. ------------------------------------------------ >> X-Manners << Famke prefers dogs to humans E writes: "I used to live in the same apartment building as X-Men’s Famke Janssen. She was the rudest person I’ve ever met. "I once thought she'd softened a little bit as she seemed to be holding the door open for me. Then I realised she was holding it open for her dog. I said 'Thanks. Oh - that wasn't for me, was it?' "She said, unsmilingly, 'No'." Have you met a ruder celeb? Email hello@popbitch.com ------------------------------------------------ The editor of the Wee County News (so named because Clackmannanshire is the smallest county in Scotland) is called Martin Little. ------------------------------------------------ >> Popbits << Random stuff about 2011 Some small things we learned. 1. X Factor cannot create pop stars. Rebecca, Matt, Leona - floundering. One Direction might be the most hyped boyband for ages but couldn't even score a number one album or second number one single. 2. UK Dance music is in a healthy place: DJ Fresh's Louder is probably our tune of the year. 3. Mainstream American pop has become tired and cynical. Listening to Jason Derulo's singles made us wonder if the Taliban's position on pop music isn't, in fact, correct. 4. The greatest live music performance of the year was last week on Brazilian TV. Mike Tyson singing Girl From Ipanema: http://bit.ly/vdHaCw 5. Kickstarts was our summer record of 2011, but this year Example became a proper star. We sent some junior reports to check out a recent gig, and they loved it: http://bit.ly/shB4pD Want to tell us what you thought of music (and other stuff) in 2011? https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/ZQCSXF Vote in the record of the year award: http://www.roty.tv/ ------------------------------------------------ Old Football Jokes Home: Anal sex is like getting your first Man Utd scarf. You don't want it, but your uncle gives it to you anyway. ------------------------------------------------ >> Fanny magnets << Drawn to the profession Nominative determinism is a theory which states a person's name may have a bearing on the function they perform in society. Anyone looking to prove this theory would do well to look at the gynaecological community. After last week's Dr Khunti we've got: * John Studd - professor of gynaecology and libido expert, London * Mr Fish - consultant gynaecologist at the NHS Trust, Brighton * Bonnie Beaver - MD specialising in obstetrics and gynaecology, California *********************************************** ZOMBIE BOOT CAMP Secure the borders! Zombies have invaded the UK. We've an M4 Carbine, kevlar body armour and military training for anyone with the cojones to help us fight back. Ready to help save the human race? Book now at: http://wish.co.uk/zombie-boot-camp/ *********************************************** >>> Game shows are for paedos << Gary Glitter for the 2012 remake? In the 1980s Canada had a TV game show called "Just like Mom", in which a young child and his/her mother answered questions about each other to win prizes. And yet that's not the memorable thing about the show. The smarmy host, Fergie Olver, liked to try to get the little girls to kiss him. Paul McMullan might just be having a heart-attack... http://bit.ly/vcUULT *********************************************** The Emerging Light Series. FREE TO ENTER Selected works published monthly. Contract offered upon selection. Latest release: Christmas Stories. Available on Amazon Kindle/other e-pub formats. Enter our exclusive competition at - http://www.pen-works-media.com/pop-bitch/ *********************************************** >> Things that make you go hmmm << Xmas Shop, Ugly Babies, Celeb Siblings What Sting could teach Facebook: http://bit.ly/uodM2Y Mark Zuckerberg's apologies: http://dthin.gs/rWL6WV + Xmas reading for your kindle + Six Zero Winners The accounts department of a London ad agency dream of winning the lottery. Sadly there are no otters involved, but If you've worked in an office you'll recognise these characters... http://amzn.to/uz6Dd1 All you ever needed to know about the siblings to the stars: http://celebritysiblings.blogspot.com/ + Secret Santa Shop + We like a good giggle at placenames - Twatt (Orkneys), Muff (ireland), and who can forget Austria's Fucking? One nice reader has made a shop of cards, mugs & other stuff feat photos of these signs and places - perfect for Secret Santa! 10% discount by typing POPBITCHRISTMAS at the checkout: http://www.lesserspotted.com + T Shirt Shop + The perfect t shirt for the music lover in your life. Vinyl just *is* cooler than itunes: http://www.45rpmwear.com/ Polly Styrene's old house is up for sale: http://bit.ly/tI7Jxt So is Derek Jameson's: http://bit.ly/rxQf7s + Xmas Cards + Merry Christmas to one and all, even gingers! Loads of rude Christmas cards and gifts to offend all those relatives and colleagues: http://www.deanmorriscards.co.uk/ + Xmas reading for your kindle 2 Dalek, I love you: http://amzn.to/shBQF1 It's not just the Sports Personality Of The Year shortlist which ignores women. Hollywood's very good at it: http://lat.ms/v6w6cv *********************************************** 2 for 1 tickets to the Tingle Creek on Sat! Quote SPTCPOP11 when booking... 01372 464348 *********************************************** >> Stuff about Popbitch << * Email us stories, gossip, otter pics: hello@popbitch.com * Subscribe or unsubscribe here: http://www.popbitch.com * Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd. * Mail by aysabtu ********************************************* Thanks to: JLD, EN, P, muffy, ML, intheissynoho, AH, SS, SJ, CP dollymixture, beryl_the_peril ******************************************** Old Jokes Home Just bought a Jehovah's Witness advent calendar. Every time you open a door someone tells you to fuck off. Still Bored? Win pair tickets to Tim Key at Soho Theatre. After storming this year's Edinburgh Festival Fringe, Tim is back, 8 Dec-7 Jan. Email competitions@akauk.com and put "PopbitchTim Key" in the subject line http://sohotheatre.com/whats-on/tim-key-mgily
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