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Latest Issue Out Now

January 29, 2010 – 10:38 am -

"My bingo is legendary... If you want to book me
I'm very expensive, but I'm very good. I even make
up my own phrases." Gary "Starlight" Barlow
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POPBITCH           _     _ _
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|_|         |_|  14.01.10 ISSUE 481
To send us stories Email: hello@popbitch.com

* Michelle McManus v Manda Rin
* Yvette Fielding v Mama Cass
* Charts: Owl City is number one
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Read the latest issue online here: 

http://www.popbitch.com/home/category/latest-issue

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Posted in Latest Issue |

“Terry’s All Gold”

November 19, 2008 – 6:52 pm -

*****************************************************
Fancy watching Joe Mangel from Neighbours in a
battle of the sexes comedy? Aussie comic Mark Little
is bringing Defending the Caveman - the longest
running solo play in Broadway history - to London.
Get tickets for just £15. Use promo code "popbitch".
Call 0844 847 2475  or book here:
http://www.leicestersquaretheatre.com
*****************************************************

"I love all the old classic music. Bands like Take
That, that my mum used to listen to" - Pixie Lott
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POPBITCH           _     _ _
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| '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \
| |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |
| .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_|
|_|         |_|  04.02.10 ISSUE 484
Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe
go to http://www.popbitch.com
To send us stories Email: hello@popbitch.com

* John Terry mini-special
* Han Solo to the rescue
* Charts: Owl City beating Jedward for number one
------------------------------------------------------

         >> Day Of The Jacket <<
        Time to get your coat, Darren

    Darren Day is due to appear in court next week
    on a charge of drink driving. We hear from a
    court insider that back when he was first
    charged (the week before Christmas) he asked a
    prison guard whether he could borrow a jacket
    to pull over his head to hide his face from
    the awaiting paps outside before being bailed
    out the back door. The guard agreed, on the
    understanding Day gives the coat back next time
    he was up in court.

    Day's been back to court three times since. The
    prison guard is yet to get his jacket back.

------------------------------------------------------
Ray Parker Jr (Ghostbusters) was Stevie Wonder’s
guitarist on Sesame Street in 1973. He played a
blistering version of Superstition.
------------------------------------------------------

*****************************************************

        >> John Terry: A mini special <<
        A Popbitch tribute to the England captain

    A sports magazine sent a couple of journalists
    to interview John Terry, one male; one female.

    At the end of the shoot JT and his
    representative left. But then the agent came
    back, to tell the girl that John wanted to
    invite her to the upcoming Chelsea party.

    In the time honoured tradition, she made
    her excuses and left. 

------------------------------------------------------
Did you know JT has scored 28 times at
the Bridge? Nah, nor did Wayne.
------------------------------------------------------

        >> Team bonding <<
        A grand don't come for free

    Last autumn, one day after training, Chelsea
    first-teamers were asked to stay behind for a
    presentation. A man was brought in and talked to
    them about a property investment offer overseas.
    The players were then given a couple of grand
    for listening, which left more than one of them
    a little mystified.

    It turned out that the property consultant
    had arranged the talk through a man claiming
    to be a representative of John Terry. And
    he'd handed over a six-figure sum for the "in".

------------------------------------------------------
An anagram of Chelsea's John Terry is
Lecher Enjoys Trash.
------------------------------------------------------

        >> Cashing in <<
        It's all gold for Terry

    Remember that email going round a few weeks ago
    touting John Terry to brands and sponsors?
    Well, it seems that Riviera marketing had given
    Terry a wedge of cash to secure his image rights
    and realised they needed to do something fast
    to make back some money. 

    Add in Terry going to the Sun (the paper who
    refused to keep quiet about his mum's
    shoplifting) to secure another 300 grand for
    writing columns, and he looks like a man who,
    despite the 150k salary a week, is in need of
    cash.  As Kelvin Mackenzie said in the Sun
    today "How much money does he need? Or are
    those stories about his gambling debts true?"
    Wouldn't it be funnier if it was for paying
    off kiss and tell girls -  Tiger Woods
    style. Or like a recent foreign Premiership hero,
    who has only managed to make sure his name is
    not synonymous with cheating by being very
    generous to girls and the media.
    Or at least that was the case back then.

------------------------------------------------------
Any girls out there expecting a Terry-fuelled payday
should hurry to tabloids now. The first of Tiger
Woods' mistresses was offered 150k by NoTW. The
12th? Not much more than a fish supper and bus fare.
------------------------------------------------------

        >> Reign of Terry <<
        Chelsea managers put in place

    John Terry is often blamed for hastening
    Mourinho's departure but a club insider tells
    us he could have played a part in Avram Grant's
    demise too. Alleged Thai-fancier Avram was
    attacked in the press by Chelsea defender Tal
    Ben Haim. Grant was not amused and Ben Haim
    found his first team opportunities somewhat
    limited. However, Ben Haim was mates with
    Terry who, we're told, made it clear to Grant
    that he wouldn't take too kindly if Ben Haim was
    dropped for long. It was not long after this
    that stories started to appear in the sports
    pages that Grant's number two, Steve Clarke,
    was effectively running the team. 

------------------------------------------------------
So JT was sleeping with Wayne Bridge's girl. Poor old
Wayne - he wasn't even first choice with his missus.
------------------------------------------------------

        >> Once bitten <<
        It's hard to be a football writer

    It must be difficult for footballer writers
    when they're put on the spot to take the
    moral high-ground. News of the World writer
    Rob Shepherd called for Terry to step down
    as England captain last weekend,
    "Terry did not break the law but he
    committed a cardinal sin of the dressing room."

    Rob Shepherd is, of course, himself no stranger
    to breaking the law. He was given a prison
    sentence in 2004 for biting someone's face after
    an argument in a bar in Beckenham.

------------------------------------------------------
JT has signed up to star in a new TV show.
It's called Other Footballers' Wives.
------------------------------------------------------

        >> Terry towelling <<
        Once again, Germans get there first

    The JT/Wayne Bridge England issue has a German
    parallel. In the late 90s, controversial
    midfielder Stefan Effenberg had an affair with
    the wife of his Germany team-mate, Thomas Strunz.
    Strunz found out about Claudia's affair when he
    read a text message from Effenberg on his wife's
    phone. Effenberg married Claudia and they moved
    to the USA to get away from it all. Though not
    before publishing an autobiography which
    included some nice and mucky photographs of him
    and his new bride.

*************** JT Special ends **********************

------------------------------------------------------
The average cloud weighs 69,000 tonnes.
------------------------------------------------------

        >> Celebrity Hijack  <<
        Han Solo to the rescue!

    Harrison Ford is due to fly in to Haiti today,
    with NGO Aviation for Humanity, the latest
    in a long line of celebrities getting in the
    way of trained medics and aid workers, sorry,
    we meant doing their bit. Leona Lewis flies
    in next week and James Cameron has also
    donated a plane for the aid airlift.

------------------------------------------------------
Tommy B, ex Blazin' Squad, is now the postboy
at Virgin Media.
------------------------------------------------------

        >> Scarey Carey <<
        Casting director of the year nominee

ccbaxter writes:
    "I auditioned Carey Mulligan (Oscar nominee for
    An Education) a couple of years ago for something.
    She's far, far more attractive in real life than
    she photographs with that rubbish short hair. I
    didn't give her the job, which means I can now
    add her to Emily Blunt, Abbie Cornish, Sam
    Worthington, James McAvoy and Keira Knightley
    on the list of people I've spectacularly failed
    to employ when given a chance."

------------------------------------------------------
Carey Mulligan was offered the role of Dr Who assistant,
which eventually went to Catherine Tate. She apparently
said no because Dr Who fans are too mentally obsessive.
------------------------------------------------------

        >> Big Questions <<
        Who is asking what this week

    Which former England sports star used to call
    up the pay-phones in the sixth-form boarding
    house of the nearby girls school and ask the
    girls to meet him for a drink in the local pub?
    There was only one rule. They had to wear a
    mini skirt.

------------------------------------------------------
David Duchovny of X-Files fame, has an unfinished
PhD thesis titled "Magic And Technology In
Contemporary Poetry And Prose."
------------------------------------------------------

        >> Toeing the line <<
        Ainsley Harriott is nice but odd

CT Warrior writes:
    "About 3 years ago I was in a pub in Clapham
    and met Ainsley Harriott at the bar. He was
    extremely nice and down to earth nice and we
    got chatting. After buying each other a few
    rounds I asked him to tell me something
    interesting about him and he said.
    "I'm missing a toe on my left foot."

------------------------------------------------------
Andy Bell is going to be performing at European
Gay Ski Week in March.
------------------------------------------------------

        >> Blame Coco <<
        Sting daughter "world's worst DJ"

    We all understand how the world of celebrity
    DJing works. Find a young, attractive
    female. Give them a CD or similar with
    mixed records on it. Er, that's it!

    At Vauxhall's ice skate last week Paloma
    Faith was somewhat put out when the sound
    system broke during her set (not surprisingly,
    as when the music came back on, it was as
    if the set started from the beginning again).
    Coco "Sting Jnr" Sumner's DJing skills also drew
    some complaints. But full credit to her,
    when some guy came up and asked to book
    her she answered, "I'm the world's worst DJ." 

------------------------------------------------------
Strange that most articles about Paloma Faith seem to
be under the impression she's 24. Being born on
21st July 1981 would make you 28, no?
------------------------------------------------------

        >> Things that make you go hmmm <<
        Take A Break, Columbian funerals, Matt Goss

    It’s a shame Katie Price and Alex Reid didn’t
    time their wedding a little better. They could
    have had Matt Goss serenade them on their
    honeymoon:
http://www.mattgoss.biz/news-4/index.asp

   Comedy and music night at King's College
   to raise money for the Omid Foundation
   for abused women in Iran. Buy a ticket and
   get free entry to the after party:
http://www.kclsutickets.com/eventinfo/78/KIS-presents-Jaam-e-Jam 

    A hearse driver gets drunk in Bogota:
http://www.shortnews.com/start.cfm?id=78927

    Weebls-Stuff spoofs Britain's Got Talent
    and SuBo with gooey egg creatures:
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/Goo+Got+Talent+1/

    Enjoy Take A Break's weird coverlines but too
    freaked out to buy the magazine?
http://www.takeaweirdbreak.com/

    Too much 3D and glossy movie overload?
http://bit.ly/biIJ0l

      >> UK Top 40: Chart News <<
      Jedward vs Fireflies for number one

    Are Jedward the new Soulwax? Even Vanilla Ice
    - writer of Ice, Ice Baby - didn't realise that
    his song would blend so seamlessly into
    Queen/Bowie's Under Pressure ("Theirs goes,
    'Ding ding ding dingy ding-ding.' Ours goes,
    'Ding ding ding ding dingy ding-ding.'") so
    they're obviously master-mixers.

    Perhaps when they release that version of
    Ghostbusters they did, they should mix it with
    Huey Lewis and The News:
http://bit.ly/ccmDy9

     >> End Bit <<
     Stuff about Popbitch

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****************************************************
Thanks to: CL, SW, LM, AM, SW, NF, monstris,
AM, JC, fo_shizzle, honk, theabominablehoman,
thegingerprince, EA, TH, C, Ulysses, CM, DL,
jacques_as_in_hattie (for the anagram)
**************************************************

Old Jokes Home:
Q: How many musos does it take to screw in
a lightbulb?

A: It's a pretty obscure number.
You probably haven't heard of it.

Still Bored?
Wonder what kind of week John Terry's tranny
lookalike must have had? A reminder:
http://bit.ly/9CASS1
Tags:
Posted in Latest Issue |