Well don’t worry, we’ve got a bloody great idea for you!

We went along to ‘You Bake A Cake’ in Wandsworth Common to sample their Valentine’s baking experience, and it was pretty darn good fun.  Basically, you and your partner get a good two hours (plus) within which to make two special batches of Valentine cupcakes – one a chilli chocolate cupcake, and the other a pretty nifty seasonal cupcake with a heart hidden inside.  You also get to bring your own champagne and even your iPod to provide some romantic background music. Or really aggressive Death Metal if you’re into that kind of thing.

Now I’d never baked anything in my life (my cooking skills stretch to making Pot Noodles and eating pre-grated cheese out of the packet), so I was quivering in my apron  worrying that I’d end up drowning in flour or burning the shop down or something.  However, I needn’t have worried because the guys in the shop helped my novice arse no end (also, they do the actual cooking for you). I never thought baking could be so easy, particularly making the icing – which I found out was just butter and icing sugar.  This workshop isn’t for people worrying about their diet – I felt a stone heavier just looking at all the ingredients on the table.  Ingredients which quite quickly made a beeline for my mouth.  And on my trousers and the floor.

You can choose two different colours for your icing designs, so obviously I chose blue and red.

FOR SPIDERMAN.

BECAUSE I AM 12.

Then you’re taken through the different styles of icing design, first up we’ve got the ‘spiral’:

Then the ‘rose’:

Then the ‘stars’:

And finally, I invented my own style:

BECAUSE I AM 12.

Then we made the cupcakes with the heart inside, look at these gems:

All in all, it was a properly fun day out, and the sheer amount of cupcakes you take home is fantastic.  I’m still eating them now.  Had two this evening with some Haagan Dazs (no cranking involved).

I LOVE BUTTER AND SUGAR.

***

The You Make A Cake Valentine’s workshops are running from the 10th February.  But we seriously recommend you go along whether it’s for a date or not, it really was that good.  Also, on the website, it states that Mark Owen says it’s his favourite cupcake shop – a dubious claim for sure.  Oh no wait it’s not dubious at all because he bloody well came in when we were there!  So you might even see a couple of celebrities while you’re baking too…

Check out the website here: www.youmakeacake.com

However, we are delighted to announce that a new photograph has now come to challenge the throne.

Muhammed Ali, Hulk Hogan, Cyndi Lauper, Liberace and Wendi Richter. Obviously pre-Photoshop. Amazing.

Know of a better one? hello@popbitch.com

(via Mugbeezy)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXfa2pZgH7w

www.youtube.com/watch?v=PlCmeUgYZVs

You all remember Sharktopus, some of you may even remember Dinoshark, well the guys behind those Mega-crocs of shit are back again.  And they’re going all out this time -- they’ve set up their own production company with the sole purpose of making these cross-over creature features.  They’re calling it the MONSTER MACHINE.

Next up they’ve got Arachnaconda, then it’s Grizzligator, Sea Scorpions and finally Maneater Mountain.

If they need any tips on what to do next, here are some suggestions:

Baboodger

Orangutortoise

Dolphin vs Mountain Goat

Aardvinoceros

Tyrannosaurus Cat

Hedgedog vs Kangarabbit

Elephant (That’s an elephant and an ant obviously)

Pandabat

Giant Giraffe vs Microscopic Plankton

Great White Owl

Amoebee

Hippocowohorse

Hamster vs Clarksongator

The Hangover Part III: Hen vs Stag

Gnu vs. Poo

Catterpenguin

Manatee vs. Pricks at Sea World Banging on the Glass

Chickenbreast vs Cameltoe

Chimpanzebra

Sheepdog

Mega-Prawn-Ring vs Ultra-Katona

And just for the hell of it, here’s the trailer for Sand Sharks, starring Brooke Hogan:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qEfO5iNicI

I tried to watch it, but couldn’t last longer than 10 minutes.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUyO2BRo5Nk

If you can’t bring yourself to watch it, there are some photos here:

Let’s go through the list and see what went down:

The Beaver - Well, good start to the list what with The Beaver being one of the films I didn’t see, but whatever, some people did. It didn’t exactly light up the box-office and it also didn’t signal Mel Gibson’s comeback after he humiliated himself by crashing his car into Happy Snaps. Wait, was that him? Oh that was someone else…what did Gibson do? Was he the one who had a kid with his nanny? No, that was Lindsay Lohan wasn’t it? Oh Mel Gibson was the ‘WINNING!’ bloke wasn’t he? What a weirdo.

Battle Los Angeles - Good, I saw this one.  Bare explosions and aliens and shit.  Still managed to fall asleep in the cinema though.  Not sure what that says about the film, I’m not normally one for whining about a lack of characterisation -- sure, this film had next to none, but there were bare explosions and aliens and shit.

Cinemas are hot.

Piranha 3DD -- Well, this one’s not even out yet.  Not happy, because the first one was brilliant and this one looks like it might be even better.  Still, they’ve released a trailer so that gives us at least something to tide ourselves over until it comes out:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_44yNy_FdI

In an interview with Empire, Gary Busey actually said the following about his role in this film:

“I play a farmer. A cow explodes because of its farting ability and out of it come hundreds of piranha, raining down on me. You’ll see how I treat one of them.”

THIS IS GOING TO BE GREAT.

Real Steel - Nowhere near as good as it should have been.  If I wanted to watch annoying kids dancing on stage then I’d have watched Streetdance 3D.

Wait, they’ve made a sequel?  Fetch me my tent!  We’re camping outside the Odeon!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZlk3XSDhBE

The Human Centipede II: Full Sequence - Read our review here. It wasn’t as good as the first, but it still remained one of 2011′s must-see films, if only to see what it looks like when someone who has eaten the digested shit of 13 people, follows through onto a wall.

That’s a subjective ‘must-see’ in case you were wondering.

Part 2 coming up next…

Then part 3 after that obviously.

In his honour, we present this top 10 of lardy lads who should have stayed away from the buffet. We all know about the fat footballers of yesteryear, but who are the Micky Quinn’s, Jan Molby’s and Tomas Brolin’s of the current crop… Have we missed anyone? email hello@popbitch.com or Tweet us @popbitch

1. Adriano (Corinthians)

2. Andy Reid (Sunderland)

3. Neil Shipperley (Crystal Palace)

4. Adebayo Akinfenwa (Northampton)

5. Adam Proudlock (AFC Telford United)

6. Dean Windass (Scarborough Athletic)

7. Wayne Rooney

8. Mido (Zamalek)

9. Ronaldinho (Flamengo)

10. Benni McCarthy (Orlando Pirates)

For additional info, videos, images and more from Project Teamwork, visit www.espn.com/projectteamwork

** SPONSORED POST **

They have a Xmas Radio Station which -- apart from the one by Christina Aguilera -- makes a brilliant change from the Phil Spector or Hanson Christmas albums that e previously had on repeat.

Try it here

WE7.com has free, personalised radio stations. You put in a genre/band or song title and they come up with a station just for you. We’ve  been enjoying “disco”, which has brought to our attention the dance remix of Olivia Newton-John’s Xanadu. Not sure if it’s the seasonal rum and mulled wine which has helped with liking this one, or if it’s just that Xanadu is one of the finest singles of the last 40 years…

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tr6WidQqhu4

If you sign up by 18th December you get to make unlimited requests like this for a fortnight. And you get no ads, so no mood-killers like the one about domestic violence that we keep getting on Spotify.

And -- if you needed another reason to try it, you can listen to *your* radio station. We asked Popbitch readers last week to name their favourite single of 2011. You’ll have to listen to find out what the top 10 is. We can tell you that Matt Cardle, Jessie J and that abysmal J-Lo Lambada sampling piece of rubbish are not in there. Lana Del Rey, Nicki Minaj and DJ Fresh might well be…

Listen/Share: Popbitch Readers Favourite Singles of 2011