• The opening is hilarious (although we were the only ones in the cinema who laughed).  Think of the worst place to wake up – we reckon mid-air hurtling towards the ground is probably one of the worst.
• Nikolai has the best character introduction – firing a huge chain-gun aimlessly at everyone and everything.  Then looking really guilty after.
• Who let the dogs out?
• Laurence Fishburne turns up halfway through by way of a pretty obvious ‘twist’ – although the gasps in the audience might have proved us wrong.
• Laurence Fishburne talks to himself.  It’s funny.
• Yakuza vs. Predator sword fight!
• Adrien Brody takes his shirt off and he’s really stacked/ripped/cut/hench or whatever it is students call it nowadays.
• BIG TWIST!  Uh oh!
• Predator vs. Predator fight!
• Best line belongs to Stans – we can’t remember it exactly, but it’s got ‘ass’ in it.  And he says it while he’s looking at someone’s ‘ass’.
• Great ending – sequel time!

So that’s it right there.  No, up a bit.  Yeah, there.  Just a few reasons as to why you might want to watch Predators.

It’s not quite up to the standard of the original Predator – it’s more inline with Predator 2, which people forget was actually rather good.  So if that’s good enough for you, then we recommend you go and see it.

Unless you’ve already seen it.  You don’t have to rub it in our faces.  Jeez.

Everyone liked the Alien vs. Predator films right?

Well, no.  So it seems it’s up to Robert Rodriguez to make the wigged wankers cool again – with Predators.  Rodriguez (director of the upcoming Machete) wrote a treatment for a Predator film back in the ’90s, but it fell by the wayside along with Rob’s input – that is, until now.  So with an updated script, a new director (Nimród Antal) and a great cast, Predators seems set to shoulder-cannon the opposition into their own arses.

Seeing as it’s such a good cast and crew, we thought we’d run through the main players in an effort to whet your appetites before the film blasts into cinemas on 8th July.

Robert Rodriguez (producer) – We’ve been waxing on about Rodriguez quite fervently recently so we’ll keep this brief – his involvement in anything (probably even mundane things like sandwich-making or haircuts) in a very good thing.

Nimród Antal (director) - Antal is most famous for 2007′s Vacancy – a rather good horror starring Kate Beckinsale about a couple being hunted by some nutcases at a Motel.  The film was scrotum-retractingly tense, so odds are that he’ll emulate that same stress and dread here.

Adrian Brody – Also to be seen in DNA-mixing horror show Splice, Brody tackles an action role for the first time in Predators.  Rodriguez is familiar to this though – he made George Clooney into a tough guy in From Dusk Till Dawn, and forced Antonio Banderas into hero-mode for Desperado – so hopes are high for Brody’s move to hard-man status.  Besides, he was in King Kong – that’s pretty good experience to have on the CV when applying for a job that involves getting into fights with giant monsters.

Topher Grace - Best known for playing Spidey’s gooey, toothy nemesis Venom, Grace is on the other side of the monster/human battle here, playing Edwin – a doctor who was previously on the FBI’s Most Wanted List (what for we don’t know).  OOooohhh, mysterious!

Danny Trejo – Star of the upcoming Machete, Trejo is a real-life hardcase, which is probably why they’ve got him playing Cuchillo – a hardcase.  Trejo also has a real-life cool name, which is probably why they’ve got him playing Cuchillo – the one with the cool name.  Some people have all the fun.

Laurence Fishburne - Larry’s not particularly frightened about facing-off against the hulking Predators – “Well, it’s all a giant computer program.  So they’re not real,” he didn’t ever say about this particular film.

Walton Goggins - It’s possible you won’t recognise Goggins, unless you’ve been watching the fantastic Justified with Timothy Olyphant on Five USA.  In that he plays a racist redneck, in this he plays someone called Stans – racist redneck attributes TBC.

Alice Braga – Brazilian Braga has been gathering quite a bit of momentum recently, having starred in blockbusters I Am Legend and Repo Men; and now with Predators, she seems set to further her ascent up the Hollywood ladder.  Let’s hope she’s not wearing a short skirt, otherwise everyone’s going to be able to see her knickers.

Derek Mears - Another relatively unknown guy, possibly because his most well-known role had him wearing a hockey mask for the whole film.  That’s right, he played Jason Voorhees in the Friday the 13th remake – but don’t worry, he’ll be making a big noise in Predators as one of the titular beasties.  Those days of walking down the street unrecognised will soon be over, Derek!  Wait, sorry, scrap that, he’s wearing a huge mask again.  Maybe next time.

Oleg Taktarov – Here’s a guy that you won’t recognise by name only, but we’re sure you’ll recognise his face.  We’re finding it quite hard to pin down what it is exactly that we’ve seen him in before, but we know that it was in something.

We don’t know how Rodriguez does it, but he’s clearly got the knack for assembling great casts.  Even without the ensemble we’d be excited about this – just because it’s another Predator movie – if you’re the same, then get down to the cinema on 8th July when Predators is released.

Until then, you could always put a rasta wig on, don a medical face-mask, sellotape a juice carton to your shoulder, strap knives to your arms and chase after people screaming “I’M THE PREDATOR!”  But only if you want.  No commitments.