Celebrity magazine olympics: batch V
July 30, 2009 – 5:23 pm -Best cover line: “Jordan juggles 2 men in 1 week! Parties with cage fighter and takes him home for night. Secret dates with male model” [CLOSER]
Best cover lie: Angry Posh: “David – I’ve had enough” (It’s important to note that this quote is not used anywhere in the article, and nor is the quote in the article’s headline, which reads: Posh “I won’t stand for this abuse”.) [REVEAL]
Artistic licence with a ‘source’: Jen tells Brad “I think I’m pregnant!” – says a pal [NATIONAL ENQUIRER]
Freak of the week: “My lover faked giving birth – she told me I was a dad, but where was the baby?” [THAT'S LIFE] (We had to put in the close 2nd place this week, of “I love having sex with a fairground ride!” in CLOSER).
Most bashed celeb of the week: Jordan is back as the most hated, summed up in the headline “JORDAN: BEAUTIFUL TO BITTER” [HEAT]
Too fat/thin: Michelle Heaton is getting targeted as too skinny with reports that she’s dropped from a size 14 to a size 6.
Made up feature special: This week it’s the stars without make up. The National Enquirer condemns it while Heat promotes it, but NOW just points out their pimples. Nice.
Jen/Jolie story and photo count: Back up to five out of nine mags displaying photos or stories on all three of Jen, Brad and Ange.
P.s. Hasn’t anyone else noticed that every photo that has been used of Jennifer Anniston for a story in any of the mags we’ve seen in the past two weeks has been from the same reel? The same outfit from the same day? Blue vest and black waisted skirt.
Question of the week: Why is Sophie Ellis-Bextor turning up in places like Closer and Now with the same photo of her in the black playsuit? We didn’t think she was that kind of fodder.
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Celebrity magazine olympics: take IV
July 23, 2009 – 3:00 pm -This week in the world of trashy magazines:
Best cover line: ”I’m so fat! Why have I let this happen again?” Kerry Katona on the front cover of OK!
Best cover lie: Jen stabs Brad – through the heart! [National Enquirer]
Artistic licence with a ‘source’: Desperate Jordan turns to surgery to get over Pete [Closer]
Freak of the week: “I was born with two vaginas!” [Reveal]
Worst celebrity tattoo of the week: The mermaid thing that Davina has on her rear, as featured in NOW
Most bashed celeb of the week: This week was a tie between Jack Tweed getting it in the neck for having sex, and Mischa Barton for getting sectioned.
Too fat/thin: Heat has it all on the front cover – according to them it’s Nicola Roberts, Ashlee Simpson, Tory Spelling and Madonna.
Made up feature special: The National Enquirer is still trying to keep MJ alive. This week is a feature entitled “Michael Jackson body snatchers!” with the sub-heading “King of Pop’s hairless, needle scarred corpse target of kidnap plot”.
Jen/Jolie story and photo count: This week the coverage has gone down a little. There are only three out of the nine mags we looked at sporting Brangelina/Anniston stories. But they managed to rack up seven in total between them.
Note: We are no longer running coverage in this section about Kerry Katona. After the cover of OK! this week, it’s just got too much.
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Celebrity magazine olympics: mark III
July 16, 2009 – 10:00 am -Here we go again:
Best cover line: “Maimed by a flip flop!” [Love it!]
Best cover lie: “Kerry has bizarre time travel treatment – to stop her bingeing! [Closer, of course]
Artistic licence with a ‘source’: “Jack betrays Jade with ‘sex cravings’” [Now!]
Freak of the week: “Men pay to watch me scoff!” [Closer]
Most used photos: The shots of Jordan with Piers Morgan before, during and after the interview.
Most bashed celeb of the week: It’s definitely a tie between how much Jordan is putting herself down in a bid to gain some credibility and the put down she’s simultaneously giving Pete.
Made up feature special: This week, the National Enquirer has decided to reinact the final throes of MJ’s life by showing a series of recontructed photos; MJ injecting himself, MJ suffering a sharp pain close to his heart, MJ passed out, his bodyguard unable to revive him… under the headline “Inside Jackson death chamber”.
Jen/Jolie story and photo count: Out of the nine celeb mags we picked up, four magazines had eight Brangelina/Jen stories between them.
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Celeb magazine olympics: round II
July 8, 2009 – 5:16 pm -Week two of the celebrity magazine olympics and we bring you a round up of the kind of trash circulating newsstands near you:
Best cover line: “We know who our real daddy is!” Wacko’s kids bare all in OK!
Best cover lie: “Jen dumped AGAIN!” You can always trust the National Enquirer to have made up something new about Brangelina and their associates.
Artistic license with a ‘source’: “Brad meets with lawyers!” Another self justified article from the National Enquirer. This side of the pond is all over Jordan getting burned, again.
Freak of the week: “I’m a real life Man-donna!” Closer never fails to deliver the goods on this category.
Most used photos: Pregnant WAG Coleen Rooney.
Worst celeb tattoo of the week: Megan Fox. They’re all pretty bad, but the best we’ve found is just below her hip, where the gothic script reads “Brian”.
Most bashed celeb of the week: Mischa Barton is in almost every mag, exposing her bloated face. It looks like they’ve all used the same two pictures.
Too fat/too thin: Heat has got both of these categories in one front cover - Mischa was too thin in January and now they’re pointing out her weigh gain, or her appearance as being “bloated” and “out of control”.
Made up feature special: Inside Jacko’s family album - various mags have done this, but OK!’s is the most nauseating.
Jen/Jolie photo and story count: Once again, even though we tried a few different celeb mags this week, 5 out of 9 have a story about the love triangle. It’s either Jen going out with/being dumped by the new Brad, old Brad visiting lawyers about Angelina, or Angelina looking too thin and fed up with the father of some of her children.
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Celebrity Mag Olympics
July 3, 2009 – 3:24 pm -This week we bring you a round up of the best celebrity magazine stories, photos, real life scandals and bad tats. Enjoy.
Best cover line: “I’ll destroy you Pete!” courtesy of Closer.
Best cover lie: “SJP’s husband cheats’ as their twins arrive.” from Now magazine.
Best artistic licence with a ‘source’: “Kerry Katona: ‘Why didn’t you stop me bingeing?” from Closer.
Freak of the week: ”I superglued my manhood to turn me into a woman” again, Closer.
Worst celeb tattoo on show: Jordan’s ‘Peter’ with a big scratchy cross inked over it – various.
Most bashed celeb of the week: Jordan – on her ranting about Pete, wanting to destroy him, and planning more plastic surgery just to piss him off (he hated her changing her body).
Made up feature special: MJ tributes. From scandals about his doctor giving him the lethal injection to special 10 page tributes.
Jen/Jolie photo count: 5/9 mags have a story on Jen dating the new Brad, making the old Brad jealous, having found Mr Right and one says Angelina accuses Brad of sneaking back to Jen.
WINNER: It would have been Closer for just being nasty, but OK! pipped it with the picture of a nigh-on-dead Jacko and the strapline “In loving memory”.
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