Best cover line: “I’ll destroy you Pete!” courtesy of Closer.

Best cover lie: “SJP’s husband cheats’ as their twins arrive.” from Now magazine.

Best artistic licence with a ‘source’: “Kerry Katona: ‘Why didn’t you stop me bingeing?” from Closer.

Freak of the week: ”I superglued my manhood to turn me into a woman” again, Closer. 

Worst celeb tattoo on show: Jordan’s ‘Peter’ with a big scratchy cross inked over it – various. 

Most bashed celeb of the week: Jordan  – on her ranting about Pete, wanting to destroy him, and planning more plastic surgery just to piss him off (he hated her changing her body).

Made up feature special: MJ tributes. From scandals about his doctor giving him the lethal injection to special 10 page tributes.

Jen/Jolie photo count: 5/9 mags have a story on Jen dating the new Brad, making the old Brad jealous, having found Mr Right and one says Angelina accuses Brad of sneaking back to Jen.

WINNER: It would have been Closer for just being nasty, but OK! pipped it with the picture of a nigh-on-dead Jacko and the strapline “In loving memory”.