Separated at birth?

Thanks to electrogal

Dogs of the messageboard

It’s Friday again and the weasels on the messageboard are getting warmed up. Today sees silly dog photos, some that look like celebrities. Here we have Timmy Mallet, Harvey Keitel and Michael Jackson:

from dawnsyndrome

And a dog that doesn’t look like a celebrity, but just looks great anyway:

from horsespider

Dead celebrities wait in Purgatory…

…in the new season of South Park. This clip is of Michael Jackson taking over baby Ike’s body. 

No, really.

Jackson family tree: day VI

Michael Joseph Jackson was born in 1958, the youngest of the Jackson brothers. He hasn’t always been referred to as Michael, many have dubbed him MJ, The King of Pop or Wacko Jacko. But we all know this. In fact, it’s almost impossible to write something you don’t know about him, so we’ll just stick to his weird marriages and kids.

In 1994 MJ and Lisa Marie Presley married in the Dominican republic, in secret. They denied their marriage for nearly two months after the ceremony, and were divorced in less than two years. Michael proposed to Lisa Marie over the phone.

In 1996 Michael married Deborah Jeanne Rowe, his dermatologist, after she fell pregnant and Michael’s mother persuaded them to not have a child out of wedlock. This child was named Prince Michael Jackson Jr. They then had Paris Katherine Jackson, before Michael and Deborah divorced in 1999.

In 2002, Jackson had his third child named Prince Michael Jackson II, or as he is more affectionately known, “Blanket”. The nickname appears to have stemmed from the hanging-baby-railing-blanket-on-head-incident, while Prince Michael II was only months old. His mother is unknown, reported to be a surrogate mother who was artificially inseminated with Jackson’s sperm.

(Tomorrow: Maureen Reillette “Rebbie” Jackson)

Celeb magazine olympics: round II

Week two of the celebrity magazine olympics and we bring you a round up of the kind of trash circulating newsstands near you:

Best cover line: “We know who our real daddy is!” Wacko’s kids bare all in OK!

Best cover lie: “Jen dumped AGAIN!” You can always trust the National Enquirer to have made up something new about Brangelina and their associates. 

Artistic license with a ’source’: “Brad meets with lawyers!” Another self justified article from the National Enquirer. This side of the pond is all over Jordan getting burned, again.

Freak of the week: “I’m a real life Man-donna!” Closer never fails to deliver the goods on this category. 

Most used photos: Pregnant WAG Coleen Rooney.

Worst celeb tattoo of the week: Megan Fox. They’re all pretty bad, but the best we’ve found is just below her hip, where the gothic script reads “Brian”.

Most bashed celeb of the week: Mischa Barton is in almost every mag, exposing her bloated face. It looks like they’ve all used the same two pictures.

Too fat/too thin: Heat has got both of these categories in one front cover  - Mischa was too thin in January and now they’re pointing out her weigh gain, or her appearance as being “bloated” and “out of control”. 

 Made up feature special: Inside Jacko’s family album  - various mags have done this, but OK!’s is the most nauseating. 

Jen/Jolie photo and story count: Once again, even though we tried a few different celeb mags this week, 5 out of 9 have a story about the love triangle. It’s either Jen going out with/being dumped by the new Brad, old Brad visiting lawyers about Angelina, or Angelina looking too thin and fed up with the father of some of her children.

Lorraine Bowen: an MJ tribute act

While die-hard Jacko fans have been committing suicide in the name of his memory, Lorraine Bowen has been having fun putting her own one-woman tribute piece together:

(note: this does not involve suicide in any way)

Celebrity Mag Olympics

This week we bring you a round up of the best celebrity magazine stories, photos, real life scandals and bad tats. Enjoy.

Best cover line: “I’ll destroy you Pete!” courtesy of Closer.

Best cover lie: “SJP’s husband cheats’ as their twins arrive.” from Now magazine.

Best artistic licence with a ’source’: “Kerry Katona: ‘Why didn’t you stop me bingeing?” from Closer.

Freak of the week: ”I superglued my manhood to turn me into a woman” again, Closer. 

Worst celeb tattoo on show: Jordan’s ‘Peter’ with a big scratchy cross inked over it – various. 

Most bashed celeb of the week: Jordan  – on her ranting about Pete, wanting to destroy him, and planning more plastic surgery just to piss him off (he hated her changing her body).

Made up feature special: MJ tributes. From scandals about his doctor giving him the lethal injection to special 10 page tributes.

Jen/Jolie photo count: 5/9 mags have a story on Jen dating the new Brad, making the old Brad jealous, having found Mr Right and one says Angelina accuses Brad of sneaking back to Jen.

WINNER: It would have been Closer for just being nasty, but OK! pipped it with the picture of a nigh-on-dead Jacko and the strapline “In loving memory”.

Coming soon to Popbitch Readers … in memoriam

Check back tomorrow for details of how to buy them.

A Dead Ringer…

Who’d have thought?  The King Of Pop and Roy “Chubby” Brown sharing a stylist.

No more squeaks… Michael Jackson tribute

“I’m wondering that, as we find out details of his
death, if perhaps the stress of preparing for those
dates was a factor in his collapse.”  – Paul Gambaccini

“A lot of people think I’m a Michael Jackson
impersonator” – Michael Jackson
—————————————————-
POPBITCH           _     _ _
_ __   ___  _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__
| ‘_ \ / _ \| ‘_ \| ‘_ \| | __/ __| ‘_ \
| |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |
| .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_|
|_|         |_|  26.06.09 SPECIAL ISSUE 454
Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe
go to http://www.popbitch.com
To send us stories Email: hello@popbitch.com

“And though you fight to stay alive
Your body starts to shiver
For no mere mortal can resist
The evil of the thriller”

The special Michael Jackson tribute issue
——————————————————

>> RIP Jacko <<
We’ll always have Thriller

Prescription drugs, anxiety medication, a
long-standing fairly secret alcohol problem,
and the almost constant threat of bankruptcy.
Then add on top the no win situation of the
concert series – pull out and lose what was
left of his reputation or head to the O2
with frail health and stagefright, and
lose what was left of his reputation.

So farewell Michael Jackson, if you are dead
and not whisked away to Bahrain while an
impersonator throws us off the scent.
He touched so many people through his life
- and no doubt many of the younger ones will
be going to the press with their stories.
And not only did he leave us so many brilliant
songs, let’s remember all the laughs we shared too.
Rest in peace Michael: hopefully you will be
sharing some Jesus Juice with Jesus tonight.

Read more »