TV party tonight?

Squirrel Wars: Red vs Grey -- 7.35, CH4

Follow ‘Pest Control Officer’ Paul Parker as he eradicates all traces of the pesky American grey squirrel, which over time has reduced numbers of the British red to practically nil. We checked YouTube for an idea of how this Red/Grey battle would pan out and most of the videos ended with the Yanks running off within a few seconds. So we chose a bit of home-grown red vs red action instead, our boys showing true British grit. passion. determination! in a minute-long skirmish

Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA -- 9pm, CH4

According to today’s collection of wild-eyed conjecture in the Daily Star, as we speak, Channel 4 are furiously pasting swearwords back into the American edit of Kitchen Nightmares (and flashing smug ‘wanker’ gestures at the sullen-faced BBC lot), in time for a controversial start to the new series. A brazen move considering last week’s UK version showcased 240 ‘fucks’ in an hour and forty minutes, which is arguably quite controversial enough. Sit back and watch old Gordon lay into some poor French bloke with a racial epithet/physical intimidation/profanity-laced combo finishing move.

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy -- 11.40pm, BBC1

Anchorman is on tonight as well. There’s not much to say apart from it’s only ‘quite good’, so don’t worry if you miss it, or fall asleep.