Uncharismatic Minor-Fauna II
Your Pick From Nature’s Palette
Since asking for suggestions on which crazy and creepy creatures that the cute-biased eco-agenda ought to take under its wing, we have been inundated with pictures and descriptions of some of the most ghoulish, godforsaken beasts that Mother Nature saw fit to unleash upon us.
Here are some of the best:
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Naked Mole Rat
Described as being “the ugliest animal on earth”, and looking like “a dick with teeth”, “a dying leper” and “a flaccid cock on legs”, the naked mole rat got a resounding response from you all. And rightly so. It’s horrific.
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Hatchet Fish
Thanks to a row of cells on its underside which can replicate the colour of the sea above it, the hatchet fish can appear to turn itself invisible – so there may actually be more of these weird little things doing the rounds than we think. Let’s hope not though. They look like a miserable Milli Vanilli.
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Spanish Ribbed Newt
Try to attack one of these critters and they will twist their ribcages so that their razor sharp rib-bones slash through their skin and into yours. There’s no holes for them to pop out of; the newts make fresh cuts every time they try it. Now that is dedication to survival.
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Ice Worms
Where most living creatures would need a large coat of fur or thick rolls of blubber to survive in the snow, the Ice Worm is something of a hardcase. It loves to be freezing cold – so much so that an increase of temperature of even a few degrees will turn it to goo.
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Mountain Chicken
Q/ When is a chicken not a chicken?
A/ When it’s a mountain chicken and is actually therefore an endangered species of edible frog found in the Caribbean.
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The Vampire Squid
If you think “Vampire Squid” is a cruel and nasty nickname for a living thing, its not. Its full Latinate name, Vampyroteuthis infernalis, literally means “vampire squid from hell” – so it’s actually got off a little lightly in translation.
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Shoebill
Proving that the line between fetching and frightening is all too thin, this fuzzy kitten-grey creature could almost be considered cute were it not for that honking great, leopard print effect bill that looks as if it had been punched into place.
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Babirusa
If you’re visiting a family in Indonesia and are unsure what to take with you as a gift, why not try a dead babirusa? The carcass of these pig deer is apparently an absolute ripper of a present in those parts.
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Dugongs
Some believe that it was these creatures that, when spotted swimming from a distance, created the myth of the mermaid. These people who had obviously been drinking. These sea-cows are dumpy old seals, nothing at all like that one from that documentary Splash.
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Geoducks
With a neck that’s three feet long and a lifespan of around 160 years, the geoduck (pronounced “gooeyduck”, but was misspelled in an East Coast dictionary and the spelling stuck) is not a duck, but a clam. A 2003 documentary about the geoduck “3 Feet Under” was nominated for an Emmy Award.
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They weren’t the only uncharismatic creatures you suggested have no real place left on this planet.
There were a couple of more recognisable faces in the list too…
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[They aren't all hideous creatures though; there's some real cuties on the endangered list...]
