That I worked there.

mingus Tue 29 Apr 13:30, (Answer / reply)

When I was a teenager down in Kent in the 80s I got a part time job on a boat. It didn't last very long as one night coming out of port I told them I'd shut the bow doors when I was actually having a kip on me bunk. Didn't go down very well....Actually that's a lie too, the ship went down very well.

roger_mycock Tue 29 Apr 9:02, (Answer / reply)

Having discovered a colleague had masturbated in the office, and taken the piss without mercy, I denied having done the same. On a not unrelated note, I suggested the stain on the bathroom carpet was probably liquid soap.

spank_daley Tue 29 Apr 8:42, (Answer / reply)

Wanking at work? how very dare you.... What CCTV?

lennie Tue 29 Apr 8:52, (Answer / reply)

I once replied to my boss in a growling voice 'IT WASN'T ME' ... at which point the whole office jumped up, and performed a humorous pop-reggae number. Whilst I was the natural lead in this performance,it was Dawn, the office Junior, who stole the show when she took on the role of RikRok. She said she could really get into it as she once went out with a black man, and so knew exactly what to do. It was just like those Halifax adverts, crossed with High School Muscial. If it was filmed, we'd have had over a million hits on YouTube by now.

7zark7 Tue 29 Apr 7:49, (Answer / reply)

actually i played my cv down a bit...i'm very qualified but don't like to brag about it. took them three weeks to find out i wasn't a stokebroker at all and wasn't capable of handling million pound deals "for breakfast".

sgtpeppersstoneyhardcoreband Tue 29 Apr 10:13, (Answer / reply)

that i had no knowledge of the missing computers/laptops/mobiles/blackberrys... it's their own fault, they should have paid me more

shagpile_perm Tue 29 Apr 8:37, (Answer / reply)

i work in marketing... lying is part of the job...

horsespider Tue 29 Apr 15:43, (Answer / reply)

Of course I'll make deadline, don't worry.

opus Tue 29 Apr 8:45, (Answer / reply)

Of course I don't use internet messageboards

gordon_bennett Tue 29 Apr 22:21, (Answer / reply)

that i invented the phrase "i love lamp"

lambanana Tue 29 Apr 15:14, (Answer / reply)

I know what I'm doing.

jonmac Tue 29 Apr 13:13, (Answer / reply)

Of course I am going to come back after my maternity leave!

tamara_bumpdeeay Tue 29 Apr 7:31, (Answer / reply)

But I thought it was just a colourful flag sir news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/7370903.stm

electrogal Tue 29 Apr 15:59, (Answer / reply)

"No really, it's no problem at all."

muttleee Tue 29 Apr 8:13, (Answer / reply)

I told my boss I had stress induced anxiety & I felt suicidal, he gave me the month off because he had the same problem.

I had a fucking Aces time in New Zealand! Cheers easy!

whats_the_beef_chief Tue 29 Apr 11:48, (Answer / reply)

I told my boss that a Betacam video recorder that had come in for repair had been written off by the client and I had dumped it in a skip. In reality the unit had been written off by the client, but I managed to sell it to a mate on the quiet who gave me 2 grand cash for it.

mister_groping Tue 29 Apr 11:09, (Answer / reply)

he was dead long before i arrived....

stretchermonkey Tue 29 Apr 1:30, (Answer / reply)

"'I'm Not sorry' is the amazing new single by the incredible Pigeon Detectives, out in June! To promote the single the band will be embarking on a fabulous UK tour which promises to be unmissable! For interview requests and guestlist please contact me on [XXXX XXXXXX]!"

honk Tue 29 Apr 9:42, (Answer / reply)

That Morrissey's song lyrics might be a good way to teach students about business.

barq Tue 29 Apr 17:08, (Answer / reply)

'Of course I promise to try harder'.

thegingerprince Tue 29 Apr 9:33, (Answer / reply)

What fire?

artificially_awake Tue 29 Apr 8:57, (Answer / reply)

The Sergeant told me I was off the case and had to hand in my badge and gun. I told him I was going on holiday to Florida for two weeks, but I didn't. I went to the suspect's villa and had a shoot out with his security guards, before making my way to his office and shooting him in the head. Turned out actually did run a coffee importation business, which was a bit of a bummer.

kps_jockstrap Tue 29 Apr 13:21, (Answer / reply)