Sign up here to get the email every Thursday • Email address:

(25)

Mayday! If your plane was crashing, what would you do?

25 replies

onthehushhush 0:00, reply

I would think - 'golly, this really isn't my day, is it'

mister_groping 17:54, reply

BRACE! BRACE! BRACE!

weetabix 17:31, reply

Call Rex Kramer

lennie 17:12, reply

fist the nearest stewardess into submission, then take my fill of her womanly charms.

crack_pot_pipe 16:09, reply

Put a new one on the same route straight away - Ryanair is a profitable company, we can't afford to lose the revenue.

edmor 15:12, reply

Persuade a stewardess to take pity and have sex with me. What, I only have 30 seconds till we crash?? Okay, have sex with her twice then.

flidsticks 14:30, reply

Well, as May Day was 5 days ago, I guess small rodents, birds and larger mammals will have picked the flesh from my broken bones by now and I would only be in a position to putrefy.

mike_hunt 14:28, reply

Use my remaining few seconds of life to try as hard as possible to teleport Danny Wallace into the cockpit.

muttleee 14:26, reply

Praise Alan, and await my virgins.

artificially_awake 14:15, reply

pull this face

lambanana 13:33, reply

I'd die happy knowing I went through life without seeing Gina Yashere's standup routine, at least

arch_stanton 12:19, reply

mayday? why that's the russian new year, we'll have a big parade, we'll serve hors d'oeuvres...

frank_syntax 12:07, reply

Laugh my ass off at the cretinous theives who are going to die a very squishy death. I'm going to shout 'it's got a puncture!' as the nose crumples into the earth. Bet they didn't do any pre-flight checks. Daft bastards.

morning_star 11:26, reply

Pull back on the stick and increase the power.

mosseller 11:05, reply

Hope that I improbably survive on a mysterious island and lead a bunch of hyper-realistic caricatures through a protracted four seasons of sub-Twin Peaks meets Hawaii 51210 bullshit about some fuckers who live in a hatch and a clock that will destroy the world.

too_fat_to_skate 10:48, reply

Soil my pants... blubber uncontrollably.

jonmac 10:45, reply

I'd crash at someone else's place.

friendlyfryer 10:10, reply

I'd ask chelsearentboy to take a look at the dilithium crystals or some shit

spank_daley 9:42, reply

Unfortunately I don't live on a houseboat or campervan so can't answer this question.

arseface 9:30, reply

If my place was crashing the first thing I'd do is wonder what a small flat fish was doing flying a plane and how it got out of my shopping bag. Then I'd attempt to peel his fishy fingers away from the controls and save the day. Finally, I'd sue Waitrose for selling me a super intelligent live sea creature and spend my compensation on a full tank of petrol.

roger_mycock 9:18, reply

What would I do if my plaice was crashing? Pray to Cod, probably.

popfiction 9:08, reply

What does this even mean?

jesusandmaryjane 8:40, reply

Ctrl/Alt/Del obv.

vogue 8:01, reply

"place"? fucking hell it gets worse. But when it gets changed the answer is "Die, probably."

rogerkint 7:52, reply

Wish I hadn't voted for Boris.

mrsix 0:48, reply