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Mayday! If your plane was crashing, what would you do?

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Answers ordered by popularity, your answer will appear here soon...



Ctrl/Alt/Del obv.

vogue Tue 6 May 8:01, (Answer / reply)


pull this face

lambanana Tue 6 May 13:33, (Answer / reply)


Use my remaining few seconds of life to try as hard as possible to teleport Danny Wallace into the cockpit.

muttleee Tue 6 May 14:26, (Answer / reply)

I'd die happy knowing I went through life without seeing Gina Yashere's standup routine, at least

arch_stanton Tue 6 May 12:19, (Answer / reply)

What does this even mean?

jesusandmaryjane Tue 6 May 8:40, (Answer / reply)

Praise Alan, and await my virgins.

artificially_awake Tue 6 May 14:15, (Answer / reply)

I'd ask chelsearentboy to take a look at the dilithium crystals or some shit

spank_daley Tue 6 May 9:42, (Answer / reply)

Wish I hadn't voted for Boris.

mrsix Tue 6 May 0:48, (Answer / reply)

What would I do if my plaice was crashing? Pray to Cod, probably.

popfiction Tue 6 May 9:08, (Answer / reply)

Hope that I improbably survive on a mysterious island and lead a bunch of hyper-realistic caricatures through a protracted four seasons of sub-Twin Peaks meets Hawaii 51210 bullshit about some fuckers who live in a hatch and a clock that will destroy the world.

too_fat_to_skate Tue 6 May 10:48, (Answer / reply)


Unfortunately I don't live on a houseboat or campervan so can't answer this question.

arseface Tue 6 May 9:30, (Answer / reply)

Laugh my ass off at the cretinous theives who are going to die a very squishy death. I'm going to shout 'it's got a puncture!' as the nose crumples into the earth. Bet they didn't do any pre-flight checks. Daft bastards.

morning_star Tue 6 May 11:26, (Answer / reply)

Put a new one on the same route straight away - Ryanair is a profitable company, we can't afford to lose the revenue.

edmor Tue 6 May 15:12, (Answer / reply)

Call Rex Kramer

lennie Tue 6 May 17:12, (Answer / reply)

Persuade a stewardess to take pity and have sex with me. What, I only have 30 seconds till we crash?? Okay, have sex with her twice then.

flidsticks Tue 6 May 14:30, (Answer / reply)

Soil my pants... blubber uncontrollably.

jonmac Tue 6 May 10:45, (Answer / reply)

mayday? why that's the russian new year, we'll have a big parade, we'll serve hors d'oeuvres...

frank_syntax Tue 6 May 12:07, (Answer / reply)

BRACE! BRACE! BRACE!

weetabix Tue 6 May 17:31, (Answer / reply)

Well, as May Day was 5 days ago, I guess small rodents, birds and larger mammals will have picked the flesh from my broken bones by now and I would only be in a position to putrefy.

mike_hunt Tue 6 May 14:28, (Answer / reply)

fist the nearest stewardess into submission, then take my fill of her womanly charms.

crack_pot_pipe Tue 6 May 16:09, (Answer / reply)

"place"? fucking hell it gets worse. But when it gets changed the answer is "Die, probably."

rogerkint Tue 6 May 7:52, (Answer / reply)

If my place was crashing the first thing I'd do is wonder what a small flat fish was doing flying a plane and how it got out of my shopping bag. Then I'd attempt to peel his fishy fingers away from the controls and save the day. Finally, I'd sue Waitrose for selling me a super intelligent live sea creature and spend my compensation on a full tank of petrol.

roger_mycock Tue 6 May 9:18, (Answer / reply)

I would think - 'golly, this really isn't my day, is it'

mister_groping Tue 6 May 17:54, (Answer / reply)

I'd crash at someone else's place.

friendlyfryer Tue 6 May 10:10, (Answer / reply)


Pull back on the stick and increase the power.

mosseller Tue 6 May 11:05, (Answer / reply)

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