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If you build it, they will come.

If you were going to put on your own festival, what would it be like? Who would play?

19 replies

theabominablehoman 0:00, reply

[/url]www.youporn.com/watch/100269

These would be good....not sure who's upstaging who though

muzar 22:47, reply

Otter Festival with everyone turning up in fancy dress. No fancy dress- no admission.

Featuring: adam and the ants (prince charming era- as prince charming); slade (as 70's knob-heads); marilyn and boy george (in full 'past it' girl make up); and westlife (in cheap estate agents suits) and anyone in a horse costume can stamp the shit out of them sing along.

lambanana 16:27, reply

I'd get The Mighty Boosh to organise it for me. I'm sure they'd do a great job.

mingus 16:25, reply

The One Hit Wonder Festival featuring Chesney Hawkes, Falco, Carl Lewis, Driver 67, The Knack, The Vapors, Jilted John, Men Without Hats, Ralph MacTell, Brian and Michael and many more yet to confirm. Each act to play their one hit then fuck off. It'll be ACE.

twattybanjo 14:48, reply

It would be set in a Ballardian concrete nightmare somewhere near a decaying industrial town up north. In winter. Ticket holders would be forced at gunpoint to build the site themselves in the week leading up to the event. Anyone calling it a 'festie' would be taken to a secluded wood and shot as an example to everyone else. Saturday would feature Faust playing an improv set with jackhammers for the entire day, and Sunday would feature gore-metallers Last Days of Humanity and Bolt Thrower (depending on whether they'd already signed an exclusivity contract for d_s' festival) with Merzbow on the second stage. Headlining would be Paul Morley being mauled by a bear. The 'backstage' would be a pair of abnormally large shower blocks, with the T4 team given priority access.

honk 14:38, reply

It would be in a pub car park next to the A13 in Canning Town. Entertainment would be a radio and a bouncy castle. Drinks would be plastic cup of warm Stella. With a wasp in it.

zygmunt 14:30, reply

I don't like popular music and I don't like people. My festival would be called THE FUCKOFF-TIVAL, I'd dig a hole in the ground and cover it with corrugated iron and fill it with tins of baked beans and bottles of whisky and a shotgun, and consider it a success if every no-one came.

flidsticks 13:28, reply

I don't know who would be on the rest of the bill but the headliners would be the newly reformed Tedious Cunts, who'd play their number one hit "Why don't you use the QOTDs we all suggested last week instead of recycling old ones?"

roger_mycock 12:35, reply

*nods*

katwoman 12:50, reply

Er, popfiction poster.

jesusandmaryjane 12:28, reply

I'd advertise the most amazing line up, Led Zep, the Stones, Jay Z, Madge, and then on the day I'd cancel them all and instead put on Bolt Thrower constantly for the whole day, after turning all the hoses on full so the place turns into a mud pit. And I'd have locked the gates so no one could leave, and then at the end of the day I'd set fire to the whole thing and everyone there. I fucking hate cunts who go to festivals.

deep_stoat 12:13, reply

Oh my good lord, please please please stop asking the same fucking questions over and over again. Just because you put a fucking quote on the front of it this time, that doesn't foolus into thinking you are asking a new question you tedious fucking cuntbag

shagpile_perm 12:09, reply

The only accommodation at my festival would be luxury huts with proper bedding, sanitary ware, electricity and locks. Those who are trustafarians, liggers, dirty or junkies would be forced to cross a field of landmines only to be refused entry. Anyone at the festival who refused to wash daily would be hosed down with industrial strength bleach. All the food would be free of contamination by "cock hand" as anyone preparing or serving food would have their genitals strapped up. And it'd be headlined by the newly reformed Specials.

electrogal 11:13, reply

depends on the type of festival being organised. if it was a Festival of Pottery, i imagine it would be ok, with various workshops, discussions on firing techniques, stalls selling beautifully glazed stuff etc, there'd be a couple of organic and healthy option food stalls, oh and pie minister would be there for the meat eaters. i think id organise that one quite well, the site wouldnt have to be huge, so thered be no parking issues or mud problems. Oh and there'd be a play area for the kids. If however, it was a festival of economics, then it'd be shit, the whole thing would fail and i'd be making excuses for years to come.

lenorman 9:59, reply

It'd be called Cuntfest, and it'd be a whole weekend of me on stage posting my qotd answers displayed on a big screen for all to see. It does what it says on the tin.

spank_daley 9:37, reply

You are the smallest possible circle jerk.

twattybanjo 1:51, reply

It would be shite - I can't organise things for toffee.

tamara_bumpdeeay 10:13, reply

I wouldn't. Festivals are shit.

7zark7 9:42, reply

yeah, but who is your idol?

webmong 1:41, reply