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What would you have achieved in life if you hadn't spent so much time bumming around on Popbitch?

24 replies

onthehushhush 0:00, reply

world domination (but a lot less sex)

deidre 19:02, reply

found happiness

lennie 16:56, reply

I would have probably bought a mahogany helicopter & a mountain lair in Umbria to park it on, just like Powermaster.

whats_the_beef_chief 16:06, reply

I'd have done a better fonz impression

lambanana 15:28, reply

My scheme to kill and dismember Chris Moyles would have got beyond the planning stage. *shakes fist at screen*

ccbaxter 12:30, reply

Looks like I would've have been your side kick, I can't stand the fat tub of lard, he's the most boring DJ on the radio and makes Jo Wiley seem bearable. So I'd invent a sound that would kill and reverb it through his headphones just so that I could hear him dying too..... ah the imagination is a wonderful thing! Anyone who thinks he's funny is dumb and may as well resign themselves to being part of the forest gump gang!

highheeledhooligan 22:54, reply

I would have subbed Giles Coren's copy properly.

deep_stoat 11:05, reply

I'd still have my Guardian Weekend column instead of that cunt Tim Dowling

honk 10:59, reply

I probably wouldn't have lost the primaries.

curlywurly 10:57, reply

I'd like to say some mind blowing work instead of the expected level that I pump out in a mad rush in the last half hour of each day...but once a waster always a waster.

electrogal 10:35, reply

I would have finished my album, Chinese Democracy, by now.

arseface 10:19, reply

To be honest, I learned to walk at 13 months and it's pretty much been underachievement ever since....

grimly_fiendish 9:21, reply

i would have moved to the americas and become the fourth jonas brother

sgtpeppersstoneyhardcoreband 9:13, reply

I would have completed more questionnaires on myspace and been a bit better at online scrabble.

spank_daley 9:10, reply

It has had no impact on my life whatsoever, obnov.

tamara_bumpdeeay 9:00, reply

fuck all. I've always been a lazy, foul mouthed cunt and PB gave me a chance to share that with the world. thank you PB.

thegingerprince 8:57, reply

More of my 'rules' would have made it on to Holy Moly

splut_cunker 8:28, reply

In the words of Charlene, I'd have been to paradise, but I'd never have been to *me*. I'd have been a discontented mother and a regimented wife. I'd have only dreamed about the things I'd like to do. Instead I have popbitch like a world-weary older sister to tell me that there are more important things in life than success and love and happiness and fulfilment. Like, you know, comedy t-shirts and Youtube shit.

jesusandmaryjane 8:19, reply

Charlene, here you go:

127.0.0.1/

webmong 10:08, reply

I've been to paradise, but I've never been to localhost.

jesusandmaryjane 11:49, reply

I dunno but it somehow inspired me to retake my A Levels.

weekend_bender 7:21, reply

Absolutely bugger all.

its_all_gone_mong 7:00, reply

Probably an extra 500 words a day. Seems like fair exchange to be honest.

opus 0:09, reply

An orgasm.

mike_hunt 0:01, reply