waiting about half an hour for a picture to appear on the screen. it was a woman with a corn-on-the-cob up her fanny, and the screen belonged to derek birkett, the one little indian md.

__________ Fri 5 Mar 10:04, (Answer / reply)

i crashed my lightcycle :(

el_presidente Fri 5 Mar 11:02, (Answer / reply)

i set up a hotmail account to email my best friend who was in LA at the time-i wish this was a joke-my boss asked me what i was doing,i told her i was emailing my friend in america (it was lunchtime) she then screamed at me 'did i know how much it cost to email America?' then shouted a bit more at me asking if i'd been calling her on work phones too-and then threatened me with (and tried to get me 'done') a disciplinary. The Grauniad in all it's glory-there...

minky_chunky Fri 5 Mar 14:05, (Answer / reply)

Like everyone else I looked for porn. And then more porn. And yet more. In fact I haven't stopped since. And probably will never. In summary: porn.

stan_ogdens_nutgone_flake Fri 5 Mar 1:29, (Answer / reply)

There was no fucking porn. Honestly, it was a couple of weeks before Dave in post grad found a site where someone had uploaded scans of some euro porn tart. It was such hard work finding it, that Dave took to creating a backup on floppy disk which he'd pass round for people to copy. He became a legend that way, I then became legend because I could remember the tricky aitch tee tee pee colon forward slash forward slash bit of the address for the playboy site. It was all very new, and nowhere near as fucking degenerate as the tabloids had promised. Cunts.

spank_daley Fri 5 Mar 10:43, (Answer / reply)

Lesbionic bondage porn, tug, mug of tea c/o mum.

mrs_ivy_trellis Fri 5 Mar 10:37, (Answer / reply)

It ended in a pot noodle, a wank and tears

majorbloodnok Fri 5 Mar 14:27, (Answer / reply)

I can't remember the very first thing I did, but I soon found the world of online dating, and soon got chatting to some very handsome American men. It took me some time to realise that half the ads were fake, and I was mainly wasting my time speaking to an overweight married man from Arizona, and not the buff silverfox in Los Angeles, as I first thought.

7zark7 Fri 5 Mar 13:35, (Answer / reply)

It was shit start to the 80s really. Wrecked a friends dads Farrari a couple of years later. Not had much luck with cars...

morning_star Fri 5 Mar 10:10, (Answer / reply)

It was bloody dangerous, one of the Quad bikes got wiped out completely and we lost half the cash.

mrsix Fri 5 Mar 7:53, (Answer / reply)

I had to use usenet for porn, and archie for searching, and wait for Berners-Lee to pull his finger out and invent http so that we could eventually combine the two. I am old.

jesusandmaryjane Fri 5 Mar 8:20, (Answer / reply)

çççççççççççNO CARRIER

mandaliet Fri 5 Mar 11:37, (Answer / reply)

I put in the words "cantona" and "naked" and then shut the door so my husband wouldn't interupt

shagpile_perm Sat 6 Mar 11:45, (Answer / reply)

I panicked & rang my mate to ask how to delete the history.

gravelly_hills_cop Fri 5 Mar 7:52, (Answer / reply)

Straight onto the only porn site I knew about back then - thehun.net. Spent a few minutes tracking down some lovely pictures of a beautiful buxom blonde & thought I'd treat myself to a proper power-wank... well, it was my first online session after all. Pulled out the little fella, covered him in lube and started to work away furiously with both hands - eventually I exploded everywhere, all over the keyboard, monitor, desk and other customers standing next to me. A security guard came over and dragged me out of the store, and since then I've been barred from any and every Dixons in the country.

crack_pot_pipe Fri 5 Mar 12:22, (Answer / reply)

I was about 14, found some porn, spunked all over my dad's keyboard in about 3.5 seconds and spent the rest of the day trying to get his space key to work.

kps_jockstrap Fri 5 Mar 12:42, (Answer / reply)

I couldn't finish my chocolate mousse. NSFW

www.freshstation.org/gallery/main.php?g2_view=core.DownloadItem&g2_itemId=252&g2_serialNumber=1

dawnsyndrome Fri 5 Mar 22:25, (Answer / reply)

Really horrible modem screech and then about 10 minutes waiting for alta vista to load and then trying to find something of interest. There wasn't much.

scratty Fri 5 Mar 14:17, (Answer / reply)

I waited 3 hours while AOL's "lightweight" email client loaded then went to Yahoo Groups to watch fat american girls masturbate in front of their webcams.

whitemaninhammersmithpalais Fri 5 Mar 8:51, (Answer / reply)

I deleted the whole of the internet

barry Fri 5 Mar 9:32, (Answer / reply)

I applied for a Rotoscoping job, then went in a chatroom to look for some young ass.

whats_the_beef_chief Fri 5 Mar 8:55, (Answer / reply)

minge. everywhere

rick_gassko Fri 5 Mar 12:20, (Answer / reply)

can of pepsi up some young lady's growler

muzar Fri 5 Mar 13:21, (Answer / reply)

The printer didn't work.

grimly_fiendish Fri 5 Mar 0:15, (Answer / reply)

I tumesced.

plasticflamingo Fri 5 Mar 11:09, (Answer / reply)

I had to set up a website for a university project in 1996 – it's still going and is older BBC News Online. If you think the web's shite now, back then there was next to fuck all online and there was even less chance of being able to find it.

onthehushhush Fri 5 Mar 11:57, (Answer / reply)

Discovered we could hack into the JANET network, but then couldn't get back out.

opus Fri 5 Mar 1:58, (Answer / reply)

1994 I believe. We had "compuserve" and I think I just went in through their little portal and had a look at some news an stuff. It wasn't wildly exciting then, I have to say, and it'd be another nearly ten years before I got involved in any mong boards..

simon_cowell Fri 5 Mar 12:27, (Answer / reply)

My finger went straight for F5 and it's been there ever since.

edmor Fri 5 Mar 1:29, (Answer / reply)

Spent hours trying to get the AOL disk on the front of some magazine to work, spent days waiting for Windows to update, realised AOL was shit and spent hours trying to get it and all its settings off my computer, spent hours trying to get Demon set up up as my ISP, spent days waiting for everything to update again. About a week to get online in all and I was flaccid by then.

twattybanjo Sun 7 Mar 23:21, (Answer / reply)

I ruined the rest of my life.

deidre Sat 6 Mar 13:42, (Answer / reply)

I headed straight for here, to complain about how it wasn't as good as it used to be. I had an email address mainly comprised of numbers. I used to WRITE DOWN sites I had liked in a notebook. Many sites were plastered in this kind of shit:

honk Fri 5 Mar 10:20, (Answer / reply)

It would have been back in 1994. I remember being very underwhelmed.

arseface Fri 5 Mar 11:06, (Answer / reply)

I think it started with a bit of stalking on Friends Reunited and within weeks I was lurking round these parts laughing at Jonny5000.

roger_mycock Fri 5 Mar 6:42, (Answer / reply)