A friend and I have both worked with Heather Mills over the years so I took her to Heather's cafe, purely for the comedy value. It was rancid. Just the smell of the "award winning" vegan cheese on the pizza made us both feel sick. Terrible pretend meat. The worst food ever. Not funny.

colonelmoran Mon 23 Aug 10:19, (Answer / reply)

Chips without gravy

sec Mon 23 Aug 13:07, (Answer / reply)

"CurryWurst" an undercooked german sausage smothered in tomato sauce and raw curry powder liberally doused over the top.

whitemaninhammersmithpalais Mon 23 Aug 10:01, (Answer / reply)

My Italian friends once made me a crab risotto as a starter. It was served cold and for some reason it was grey. It was only due to massive self control I didn't upchuck it all over their dinner table.

roger_mycock Mon 23 Aug 8:53, (Answer / reply)

For a TV show in Romania we castrated six pigs, chopped the balls in a blender and I then chinned the resulting 'teste smoothie' on camera after my presenter flatly refused. High brow, it was not.

rick_gassko Mon 23 Aug 12:20, (Answer / reply)

I had omelet kind of thing in Hong Kong last year that had "Hundred Year old" eggs chopped up in it, they go like black jelly after being stored in saw dust form months on end. I didn't know until I put a huge mouthful in, and really if anyone normal can keep that stuff down I would be surprised !!

lee_bear Mon 23 Aug 13:06, (Answer / reply)

In Chicago, 15 years ago, me and my GF went to an authentic Chinese restaurant for Dim Sum. Plenty of locals there, looked good - but when the food arrived it was utterly disgusting. Strange chunks of jellified meat covered in tasteless batter and partially fried, odd tasting floury dumplings and best of all, 'Waterchestnut Pudding' - basically pond water with gelatine added. At least the tea was good.

curlywurly Mon 23 Aug 10:59, (Answer / reply)

Long pig.

spank_daley Mon 23 Aug 9:08, (Answer / reply)

Japanese fermented beans mixed with soya gunge. I had to eat this foreign muck once. Imagine wanking off a three-day old male corpse and sucking up whatever comes out.

dawnsyndrome Mon 23 Aug 9:50, (Answer / reply)

-90% burger and fries

shitkicker Mon 23 Aug 8:49, (Answer / reply)

Pre-Katrina New Orleans and ordering 'grits'. Absolutely fucking honking... well disappointed.

awaitsinevitableabuse Mon 23 Aug 7:36, (Answer / reply)

In the West Port Bar & Kitchen, St Andrews, when it was fairly new. I ordered salad Niçoise, and received something resembling Whiskas "with tuna" cat food, still in the shape of the tin, trembling in a jellied grey mass atop a small mound of yellowing, close-to-rotting salad leaves which were decorated with under-ripe tomato. The smell, which I can remember vividly as I think of it, was enough to put everyone at the table off eating for the rest of the day. The waitress appeared to be Australian, and presumably lacked a sense both of smell and of decency.

jesusandmaryjane Mon 23 Aug 8:37, (Answer / reply)

A bowl of Oxtail consomme made for me by Piers Morgan.Literally, cunt soup.

muttleee Mon 23 Aug 12:43, (Answer / reply)

The unnamed soup I had in a Ukranian transport cafe that looked like two turds floating in piss. Given that they didn't like foreigners in there, it actually could have been two turds floating in piss. Certainly tasted like two turds floating in piss. Oh, and I once ate a fried chicken's head in China - wattle and all. Crunchy.

zygmunt Mon 23 Aug 14:12, (Answer / reply)

A girl from Luton

lennie Mon 23 Aug 19:39, (Answer / reply)

What honk said.

fayekorgazm Mon 23 Aug 18:56, (Answer / reply)

It could well be from Enis' Cafe near Waterloo. One wall is covered in tin foil, the coffee made me feel sick and the place smells like congealed grease. The owner yells at you and there are signs everywhere for 'ELIXIR' at 100 quid a bottle, which the owner refused to show me.

The owner apparently once held some people hostage until the police came, and a fryup can cost anything from a fiver to 11 pounds, depending on what mood Enis is in. And it's properly vile. Worth a visit.

honk Mon 23 Aug 11:16, (Answer / reply)

Pickled duck feet.

raskol Mon 23 Aug 9:57, (Answer / reply)

COOKING DOESN'T GET ANY TOUGHER THAN THIS!

1.bp.blogspot.com/_gu5F7Pn2YLw/SGEjENZFxNI/AAAAAAAAAIs/eiVBu4cETU0/s320/goldrush-1.jpg

plasticflamingo Mon 23 Aug 10:35, (Answer / reply)

Smoked rice pudding at Girl Guide camp, Bretton Hall 1984. It had burnt black bits in it where the non-stick camping stove had peeled off. Shortly afterwards someone nicked a load of Henry Moore statues from the Yorkshire Sculpture Park in the next field, though I don't think these two incidents were related...

agnetha Mon 23 Aug 15:07, (Answer / reply)

I once 'dined' in a Chiquito's (don't ask) and ordered a chimichanga, mostly because I wanted to say it out loud. What arrived was a fried turd.

auntie_betty Mon 23 Aug 13:27, (Answer / reply)

Ortolan. A baby bird drowned in cognac after spending its very short life blinded and being force fed figs and grapes. Either that or a deep fried scorpion.

weeble Mon 23 Aug 11:16, (Answer / reply)

Cold Xmas dinner at an ex's....fucking diabolical

whats_the_beef_chief Mon 23 Aug 7:13, (Answer / reply)

Liver and garlic rosotto. She had mahhosive tits and naturally bright red student-mad curly hair and it was the first date at hers. I managed two mouthfuls of this vile concoction (despite beyond loathing liver) before she told me she was a Christian and I realised my masochism was in vain.
P.S. Ample use for the "barf" button today I see....

beaverwastemanagement Mon 23 Aug 12:49, (Answer / reply)

A clementine, egg and aubergine curry.

anal_greed Mon 23 Aug 13:22, (Answer / reply)

mrs_ivy_trellis Mon 23 Aug 10:27, (Answer / reply)

School trip - Aachen, Germany. The "hotel" we stayed in served the grimest food I've ever had the displeasure to sample. Grey slops accompanied by yellow slime of pasta/noodles topped with a thick skin which had the pungent aroma of tramps earwax.
The only decent thing on the table was the bread, rolls of which my fellow classmates tried to squirrel away to stave of the hunger pangs later in the day. Unfortunately the frau of the house lived up to the German stereotype and insisted on searching everyone who left the dining room.
I do remember they had an entire wall of porn dvds in the reception though, most of which were pregnant, dwarf or oap specific.

electrogal Mon 23 Aug 14:34, (Answer / reply)

Northern food.

deep_stoat Mon 23 Aug 0:16, (Answer / reply)

Humble Pie.

pip_pop Mon 23 Aug 14:05, (Answer / reply)

Anything from Wimpey's. Went once aged four. Was seduced by the glamor and modernity of Perth's city center. Never again. (This goes for Perth, too.)

aristocat Mon 23 Aug 12:02, (Answer / reply)

the fucking sandwich my flatmate made for my lunch today. made while he was drunk last night. fucking rubbish. YESIMEANYOU!

thegingerprince Mon 23 Aug 15:11, (Answer / reply)