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If you worked for Health & Safety, which rule would you impliment just to piss people off?

15 replies

onthehushhush 0:00, reply

I would limit the number of cups of tea/coffee drunk to 1 per day - this would stop everyone having disgusting coffee breath all the time and would help save the environment because the dishwasher wouldn't need to be on so often. It's also bad for you - imagine what their insides must look like *puffs on another fag*

glitterkitty 16:41, reply

Implement a ration card scheme with which you could only buy the recommended daily allowance of alcohol.

blackkettle 15:44, reply

For years, Wiltshire pensioner June Turnbell had done her bit for her local village by tending a councilowned flower bed.

The 79-year-old spent hundreds of pounds of her own money on plants and garden tools, but it still wasn't enough for council officials.

They decided that her efforts breached safety rules because of a bend in the road beside the plot.

If she was to continue, she would have to erect "Men at work" signs, wear a fluorescent jacket and even employ a look-out.

The defiant pensioner said: "This is health and safety gone mad. They can send me to jail if they like."

No need to make them up.......

powermaster 15:09, reply

All warning signs to have their own warning signs , warning people to look out for warning signs

bubbleboy 15:02, reply

All toilet cubicles to be only waist-high.

curlywurly 14:46, reply

That Katie Price be permanently covered by a security screen, to prevent anyone from seeing her.

fayekorgazm 13:22, reply

Delivering insincere gratitude, or positive comment, workers must always bend at the knees.

weeble 12:11, reply

no Jews allowed. Or blacks.

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jeffjaffacake 12:08, reply

All hot beverage making facilities must have thermostats set to a maximum of 16 degrees Celsius thereby reducing the risk of injuries caused by hot liquid spillage.

whitemaninhammersmithpalais 11:44, reply

All women featuring in pornography to have Susan Boyle's face photoshopped onto their fannys.

twattybanjo 10:40, reply

The kettle in the kitchen is for making tea and coffee only and is not to be used for cooking lobsters in.

deep_stoat 10:33, reply

Due to worries about repetitive strain injury you are only allowed to use Twitter twice a day. That noise you hear in the background is Stephen Fry's head exploding.

roger_mycock 10:26, reply

All participants in Bukkake films must wear safety goggles

lennie 10:10, reply

All fat people to be fitted with stabilizers...

plasticflamingo 9:29, reply

All corridors or thoroughfares with laminate flooring can only be traversed by removal of the shoes and propelling oneself from one end to the other by means of a run-up and then gliding across the top surface until the destination is reached. It would be called the Slide Rule, and Sam Cooke would now be able to rest peacefully.

spank_daley 9:12, reply