Which buzzwords really don't run the flag up your flagpole?
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Answers ordered by popularity, your answer will appear here soon...
Not really a buzzword, but why are 5Live contributors always thanked by programme presenters for 'coming on the radio'...are they all plasterers with hopeless cases of 'the gush'... Also when a goalkeeper punches a ball away, why do certain old school football commentators insisted the ball is being 'fisted'
muzar Fri 3 Sep 11:44, (Answer / reply)
You are not 'taking some annual leave' you are having a day off you cunt
squireofknottyash Fri 3 Sep 10:54, (Answer / reply)
if i never have to sit through another "cascade meeting" it will be too bloody soon.
Anyone who uses the phrase "Blue sky thinking" is a total & utter cunt.
whats_the_beef_chief Fri 3 Sep 7:04, (Answer / reply)
"Comfort Zone". People on telly are always doing things "out of their comfort zone" these days. I don't suppose an axe through the head would be very comfortable, do you? And if something doesn't have the "Wow Factor" why not just kill yourself?
Oh and I don't know why, but everytime someone in an advert says "peace of mind" I want them to die.
The uncapitalised i at the beginning of the names of shiny flat things is wearing very thin iThink.
and as of 11:30 you can add - Touchpoint, Engaged, Robust and Drive.
significant_otter Fri 3 Sep 11:34, (Answer / reply)
"We need to control the customer," No we don't you prick, we need to treat him with respect so that he comes back and buys something else plus tells his mates how wonderful we are. That's the best and cheapest marketing there is. Oh but then that would mean your degree and all the wonderful marketing techniques that you learned were bollocks and that you wasted three years of your life & therefore can no longer justify your job and by extension your very existence.
"Let me walk you through how this will work," No, let me smash your fucking head in with this telephone, you patronising fuckwit.
"Synergy" Use this word in my presence and I will kill you.
roger_mycock Fri 3 Sep 6:51, (Answer / reply)
gordon_bennett Fri 3 Sep 13:58, (Answer / reply)
Anyone using the word solution outside of a chemistry textbook should be hung, drawn, quartered and then stamped on repeatedly.
When some middle-ranker quotes "Kaizen" as a management objective my cuntometer rises to 11.
powermaster Fri 3 Sep 10:16, (Answer / reply)
oh god the NHS is full of hideous 'buzzwords' - you have to say leading edge now not cutting edge, economies of scale, synergies, whole system thinking, delivering 'product' (i.e. writing a document)
It's all the fault of the MBA
Slogans that that leave out the definite article (e.g. that 5 Live trailer that suggested you listen 'in car').
mike_hunt Fri 3 Sep 12:43, (Answer / reply)
Conversocial. Tweeple, tweeps, tweet-up ect. Anything to do with social media really. I hate it more than life itself.
stan_ogdens_nutgone_flake Fri 3 Sep 12:48, (Answer / reply)
"Resources" meaning money. "Human resources" meaning personnel. "Customers" meaning passengers. "Issues around" meaning "problems with". "Challenging behaviour" meaning acting like a little shit. "Sex worker" meaning than prostitute. "Faith community" meaning god-botherers.
electric_goat Fri 3 Sep 13:14, (Answer / reply)
"Leave me alone or I'll call the police." Smarts a bit, that.
keggykeegle Fri 3 Sep 14:04, (Answer / reply)
stakeholders, especially when used by pisspoor council cunts to mean "local people".
I'll get back to you on that one.
bogarts_lung Fri 3 Sep 3:55, (Answer / reply)
Makes me want to kick them in the "Low hanging fruit".
significant_otter Fri 3 Sep 10:17, (Answer / reply)
'Chillax' makes me want to do time
too_fat_to_skate Fri 3 Sep 10:09, (Answer / reply)
If you want to ensure you receive an ice-pick in the base of the skull, rather than a pat on the back, then tell me that you want not to contact me but to 'reach out to me'. And I know that not everything in life is easy. Some things are hard. They might even be termed a tall order. But they are not, for fuck's sake, A BIG ASK. This is what happens when marketing men and football commentators are treated as normal, rational members of society.
plasticflamingo Fri 3 Sep 8:31, (Answer / reply)
"No" and "get lost, creep" - since when did they become so fucking popular?
Pretty much any over elaborated phrase meant to express the violent nature of a mong board poster which in facts serves to highlight the timidity of said poster in the hope that they will gain the virtual respect never shown to them in the real world.
father_gadd Fri 3 Sep 12:55, (Answer / reply)
"Out of the box thinking" will ensure you being fitted for a wooden overcoat, "Touch base" will tend to your head being touched with a baseball bat, "Pre-sales collateral" is just leaflets and posters you cunts.
whitemaninhammersmithpalais Fri 3 Sep 10:52, (Answer / reply)
Disintermediation, although it's marginally less painful on the rare occasions it's used correctly.
aristocat Fri 3 Sep 10:35, (Answer / reply)
"But what does success look like?"
Like you leaving this meeting upright you ridiculous fucking twat.
'End of play'. If this was 'play' I would at least fucking hope that it would be fun
oberon Fri 3 Sep 14:07, (Answer / reply)
They're not buzz words (ie. I have a job with sensible, professional people and we don't use those) but 'Bite to eat' and 'Chill out' fuck me off. Especially when chill out's used by someone over the age of 40.
If you want to ensure you receive an ice-pick in the base of the skull, rather than a pat on the back, then tell me that you want not to contact me but to 'reach out to me'. And I know that not everything in life is easy. Some things are hard. They might even be termed a tall order. But they are not, for fuck's sake, A BIG ASK. This is what happens when marketing men and football commentators are treated as normal, rational members of society.
plasticflamingo Fri 3 Sep 8:31, (Answer / reply)
It's very specific to one particular colleague but the phrase "I think the next 3 to 6 months are going to be key" makes me boil with rage because it is a meaningless, rolling non-target which he gives the impression of genuinely meaning each fucking time.
jesusandmaryjane Fri 3 Sep 9:13, (Answer / reply)
'Organic', used to describe anything other than carbon-based compounds, hydrocarbons, and their derivatives.
It's just dumb salespeople who say "Is it?" when they mean "Really?" I also have to hang up when they say "It's good to finally speak with yourself." I also hate it when people say "It's not rocket science" about something that is patently not rocket science. It makes me want to stab myself in the cunt.
People (or rather, complete twats) who say "it's all on my blog" when you ask them what they've been up to. Why do they look so surprised when I punch them for saying this?
mingus Fri 3 Sep 11:26, (Answer / reply)
Keynote speeches. Rather than specific high importance address, it has become everytime some cunt has a power pointy presentation to bore you with. Here's my Keynote speech: Fuck Off.
Synergy unless used with the word fuckpigs
Example. They discussed synergy, those fuckpigs.
lennie Fri 3 Sep 10:06, (Answer / reply)
Succeed. Because I once walked past a pole with a sign that said: Want to succeed? Climb up. I did, and on top of the pole was sitting a big, naked, black man who said in a broad Jamaican accent: Hi, I'm Siiid.